“yOU aRE nOT nEEDED”

“You are not needed”

Those words ring through my head constantly

Ever since they were spit at me, spit at my face

And I couldn’t say anything

Because that would mean denying the truth

Suicide

I’d always considered it yeah

It was always passive, a passing thought throughout life

The usual motives are still there, and it’s all so cliche

I think I am fat and ugly and stupid

My story just seems like another one of those huh

The most major problem I have is depression

And my emotions are unfortunately unstable

I have panic attacks, I never see them coming

Then comes cutting, such a sick process of harming and healing

Then attempts to make myself hurl, all unsuccessful

Both ultimately make me feel all the more worse

It’s sad because I can never tell anyone

I have a few fiercely close friends

Although they worry about me enough as it is

I fell in love, and he cares so much

But I can’t let him bear my burden

They’ve all found out too much

And I can tell that their lives would be so much better without me in it

Even when I consider telling them because I need help so desperately

I can’t

Because my words died so long ago

And when you realize that your words are not important and have no meaning to others

They die

And then you’re shut away, not needed

Me, unneeded

“You are not needed”