Torment

I am 19. I used to get bullied and sexually abused when I was in elementary school. In middle school, there was no sexual abuse just bullying, but I met Him. We didn’t go to the same middle school, but he lived across the street from me. I was at his house every day when I got out of school. His brother, Him, and I. We were always alone as their uncle and aunt were always out working or partying. Soon, it was only he and I..together alway. We went to the same highschool and I was bullied no more. He had given me a new confidence and neither of us dated anyone, but continued to be inseperable. He gave me a special blade one day after I had lost someone important to me. I carried it everywhere and one day I had gotten into a fight at school, I had it on me and was expelled though I never used it. We went to different schools now, but I always waited for him to come home after school. During summer break, he held me against the wall and kissed me one night and told me how much he loved me. That same night, I was told that my grandmother had fallen sick with cancer and I had to leave to NY for a few days. We met that night and had a huge fight about my leaving, but I had to leave anyway. A few days turned into 2 months and I had no way of contacting him. My grandmother finally passed and upon my return home, I found that he had had a new girlfriend. We didn’t talk and I self harmed until there was no more room. His family told me that he was torn up after I’d left. I stayed home day after day until I got the call that my sister died. I reopened cuts and cried my eyes out for years. Every time He and I would see each other we’d steal glances and lock eyes. Once, we caught each other walking at night and we hugged and talked. I playfully took his hat and he tickled me. We walked slowly under the stars and embraced when it was time to go. He lingered and we didn’t let go of each others hands until we were too far apart to touch…I love this man. He now has a daughter withhis girlfriend of 3 years…and I have an imaginary friend that looks like him and tells me to kill myself before bed. Does love drive you crazy? Torment…torment of the worst kind.