So I need some advice, I am full of guilt and so many emotions right now.
Back Story:
Within the last 2 months, my boyfriend of 4 years decided it would be easier for him to completely pack up and leave me without saying a word. He cut me out of his life and one day just stopped replying. He had told his family that we had split up (news to me) and had moved to a city about 2.5 hours away from me. Before blocking me on Facebook I seen that he has moved in with his new girl, they may not be dating but I seen enough to know they are going to become more than friends.
I am obviously devastated. I don’t have any clue at all as to how I should cope. We have been together since we were in high school and this has been my longest relationship. I was currently saving money to travel with him, and thought we were at the point of getting married (he wanted to, I was the one who didn’t).
Long story short, I have been left in the dark, alone. To make matters worse, I have just started going on anti depressants (for my depression and other mental health issues) and have started seeing a psychologist (this started before the break up). Now I haven’t got my boyfriend, my rock. I would have been able to lean on him, but now I have no one.
It has been about 2 months and I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty because all I want is someone else, someone to replace my boyfriend and hold me, kiss me (No sex though, I am just not ready!). I have had many physical cravings (not just sexual) since I am very affectionate but the psychological issues are haunting me as all the little things are making it more and more difficult to live everyday.
In high school before even meeting my boyfriend I used to play around with this guy, flirt with him a lot and text him. We ended up kissing once but that was it. All I can think about is practically using him to satisfy these urges of being wanted, all I want him to do is hold me, and replace my boyfriend by texting me. I did send a friend request on Facebook but I haven’t heard anything back, and I am not likely to.
I feel totally pathetic, needing someone else to reassure me of my existence. I didn’t realise I was so co-dependent and I hate myself for it more and more everyday. I have always prided myself on being an independent individual, my own person without NEEDING someone to the extent that I realise I do now.
What do I do? Are these feelings normal?
Any replies would be appreciated!
3 comments
These feelings are normal. I understand completely your feelings of guilt. It took me a very long time to get through my first break-up. That isn’t to say that any break-up afterwards is easier, my 3rd one took me over a year to re-stabilize and at that point I felt driven leave the country and establish residency elsewhere. People say that the more elderly can handle things better than the younger but I’m around 30 so I can’t tell if that’s true or not.
Would you consider getting a pet? It can help with hugs and snuggles and solves the empty bed dilemma. I have a cat and a dog. A puppy can be hard to take care of if you’re alone, but at the same time it demands you to think about something instead of yourself and a dog is more of a presence than a cat and makes an empty apartment feel more lively.
When I was still alone, living with my parents, i needed some kind of distraction and something to love so I took in a stray dog. I loved that dog but she wouldn’t listen to me after my dad refused to stop feeding her junk food. He ruined her. She wouldn’t obey anymore and after a year, my mom made me give her to the pound…she was put to sleep. I loved that dog..her name was Roxy
Just another heart braking unfair moment in my pathetic life
These feelings are completely normal and ok. I recently came out of a rough break up and felt the same way. It will pass and you will find somebody new. its just about dealing with the betrayal right now. once you’ve grieved that then you’re on the road to recovery. (: