I really wonder am I weak for letting the pain get to me like this? For all the tears I’ve cried for all the times I’ve put a blade to my skin. For the constant thoughts of killing myself? For not wanting to be here. I have had a hard past but why cant I just let that go and move on? Why cant I be happy again? I have to many questions…. but honestly I am tired. I hardly ever sleep anymore and I have to force myself to get up and go on everyday. I appear happy to everyone but I’m no where near being happy. I’ve tired killing myself slowly but my doctor figured that out … my parents only yelled at me and made me see why I hate living. I hate livimg this way. why cant I be happy again? 🙁
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You’re not weak. You’re human.
Nah your not weak, for suffering .. your strong. Put any person at all who appears to be strong in a bad situation for too long and they’ll crumble to.
your not weak, for what you have been through you are strong.
Thank you for thinking I’m strong it makes me belive maybe I can get through this.
Your welcome and if you try then you might get through this. If you are not happy then maybe you should try doing activities that get you out of the house or something that makes your mind busy because then you are not thinking of killing yourself. if you do things that make you happy like maybe going to your local ice rink or going to the cinema or even listening to your faveourite artist or band iif it makes you happy or takes your mind off of killing yourself. 🙂
Even if you feel weak as a kitten, it wouldn’t necessarily make you a weak person.
I don’t think suicidal thoughts are as simple as weakness and strength, if it did, everybody that’s ever been on this site would be weak. To take your own life requires courage; to keep going requires strength.
If a person doesn’t enjoy life anymore, that does not make them inferior. You can be a very powerful, independent and very supportive of others yet feel and overwhelming sense of unhappiness.
I am happy to help if you just type in on this conversation or put in a post then
I will be able to see and talk to you when I next get on the website. I am happy to talk if you need to talk to someone.
Thank you every one for talking to me and giving me advice when no one else will. @bluegirl.2000 I really do need to try doing things that make me happy and stay busy. Maybe that’s what I need and once again thank you for being there for me even though I’m a complete stranger. I really need some one when I’m like this. @exit to Nowhere that’s one of my biggest problems being there for everyone else when I desperately need help myself and I always tell myself I will get it soon but I’m not.sure its going to really happen anytime soon.
Everyone needs help sometimes. You don’t really have an obligation to anyone other than yourself at the moment. Some people find that it helps to discuss their issues with family members, teachers, doctors or a counsellor.
I’ve talked to my family about my thoughts of killing myself but that’s it. They offered to get me a therapist but I don’t want the medications or to be classified as sick or.anything like that because I already have one medical issue I deal with daliy.
Tell them that you don’t want a therapist and say that you just want some help and support from them if they don;t support you already. You need to know that there are people out there that are ready to listen and talk but not like a therapist, as a friend and as a human being so instead of thinking it as having to force yourself to get up, plan the next day and have something fun to do in the day. That way you might want to get up and go out because you want to, not because you feel you have to. 🙂
Also you could talk to a friend that understands because if you talk to a therapist you are talking to a complete stranger and that might feel more formal and make you more uncomfortable about talking about what is wrong and what makes you feel like this.
I have decided that I’m going to bring up the conversation with my family soon. I think it will help me a lot. They know that I have the thoughts but they don’t know I have cut myself I’m going to tell then and ask them if they can support me and not judge me. I don’t think they will but my older brother some times throw my mistakes or flaws in my face that’s why I’m scared to tell them but maybe it will change things. I also have a close friend and boyfriend that knows all of this but isn’t able to really under stand the pain or how to “fix them”. I am really thankful that you are helping me and showing me that death isn’t the only way to handle depression. You are kinda like my saving grace. 🙂
Anytime you want to talk put in a post and i will try to answer if i go online. I don’t mind ‘listening’ if you want to talk to someone. If you need to ask for help then ask on this conversation and I will try to answer. stay strong and keep your head up high as well:)
Thank you for everything. And I will also be there for you if you need any one talk to. I will let you know how the conversation with my family goes if you want me to. 🙂 I’m super nervous but I think I can do this. I hope I don’t chicken out last minute. We will see.
It is really good that you have taken that huge step as it shows that you don’t want to feel like this and that you want the support from your family as well. They may have been confused about why you wanted to die or they might not have known how to react because I mean if you had a daughter and you found out that she wanted to die then you would be shocked and you might not know what to do, should you comfort her and say that you support her or should you yell at her because you are angry that she feels like this. Also good luck with your family 🙂
I am still waiting on the right moment to talk to them. I tried a few times today but freaked out on the inside. I really want to talk to them but I’m so scared. I have distanced myself from them today. I’m not really sure why I have. I’m going to try to bring up the subject at dinner tonight. Ill let you know how that goes!! 🙂
Tell me how it goes please 🙂
Hey, that’s really true
Sometimes hard and bad pasts can be difficult to break free of. Trust me I know that one. We all go through life learning and sometimes you ‘learn’ things that you’re not quite conscious of because they reside so deeply inside you and these ‘lessons’ are that ‘lifes hard’, ‘living is difficult’, ‘reality is painful’ etc etc so you actually develop a mind set that works against your own happiness.
The only thing you can really do is try to ‘teach’ yourself new lessons, you do this by looking for things in your life that aren’t ‘hopeless’ and aren’t ‘painful’ .. You do this by looking for things that inspire feelings of happiness instead of feelings of grief. If your mind doesn’t naturally do this then you need to force it. ‘See the heavens when you can only see hell’. its the only real way to change your reality.
I have tired looking for things that make me happy. so far I haven’t really found anything other than hiding away from everyone. I know that wont really get me anywhere. But it keeps me away from pain. Most times.
At least you are trying other things and it doesn’t matter what it is if it prevents you from cutting yourself. Well done, you should be proud of yourself 🙂
Thank you. I am proud 🙂
You should be proud because you are trying. Have you found anything yet?