Don’t Quite Think This Will Last?

Being happy occasionally is starting to be a part of my life. It’s hard to think last month I ended up in hospital after trying to kill myself. I overdosed on Paracetamol. It was incredibly painful and didn’t work. My little brother saw me in hospital. I wonder how he feels. I didn’t want him to be there. My dad brought him down. My mother and father are splitting up. I worry about my brother a lot. I broke up with my boyfriend who I had almost been dating a year. Now I’m scared to have another one again. I have some amazing friends and one really helps me to smile and be happy. I’d like to go out with him. But I dunno when I’ll be able to. While a spend a lot of time happy nowadays I cant help but think it wont last long, honestly it never does. I hurt alot of people by trying to kill myself and worried many people over nothing. I kinda wish I had have succeeded. Damien, the voice in my head has gone away. He’s not around lately. I fell back into cutting. It’s so good to have that relief again. It hurts in a good way that I know is bad. But when so much has happened lately I think I deserve to give myself a break on trying to fix myself and just chill for a bit. It’s so much work with little reward. I wonder if I’ll last. Sometimes, a lot of the time I doubt it.