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I hate Today and tomorrow

by The End

I’m so sick of just waking up to what the world has become now. I’m just a ball of hatred building up it’s sickening that society is so absolutely fucking pathetic. I could die right now and no one would even care. I look at the positive, but their are not many things pleasant to look at. I don’t have friends and am not close to anyone, people are all the same. People honestly disgust me on how they act there is no one decent on this fucking world its just self preservation.

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clevername 7/9/2013 - 12:02 am

Is it really ever about “whether” anyone cares? Or is it more about “why” the typical person values what they value, and the ways those values influence their behavior… and, ultimately, which behavior results?

I would agree, though: pathetic and disgusting. Primitive, superficial, trite, intellectually lazy, crude, hypocritical… all the while believing they are somehow “advanced” or “good.”

Very few people ever actually vocalize, or even verbalize, the real, actual problems. Most are content pretending whatever makes them feel better.

Motion City 7/9/2013 - 12:39 am

There is good its just hard to see under all the shit and some people are unlucky enough to be born in the sewers. If you need to talk im willing to listen.

cmancesa 7/9/2013 - 12:50 am

Yes. I agree. Most people suck….that seems to be the way I am seeing things too. I have a therapist who doesn’t suck but even that doesn’t really help me want to live. I still have to get out there and deal with all the shit in my life…and live…..or choose to die. That has been a feeling that has burdened me since I was ten.

I have tried to kill myself five times. The only thing that I have learned is that it is not easy to die. The body and/or the soul has a very strong will to live. I met an angel once who said that I needed to go back…and poof the next thing I know I am awake in a hospital in NYC. That was in 1980. The last time I tried was in 2006. I had a fool proof plan and 800 mg of dilaudid and still I did not succeed. I am beginning to think that we don’t have much control over death. I should have died several times over when I was a teenager. I was dumped in a landfill once after being drugged and raped. And yet, here I am. I am trying to help make this world a better place through the work that I do. I hope that God is paying attention and that someday i will rewarded with a peaceful death. There must be a reason for still being alive. I am on this website because I want to understand how other people feel about suicide and what it is like for them. I also want someone to understand how i feel so that I do not feel so alone with this secret and this shame and guilt. I wonder if being here will help me want to live? That’s what I really want. I really want to know what it is like to want live!

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