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Life has killed the life in me.

by lifekilledthelifeinme

I’m writing here to tell you guys how I feel. As one of the posts I read, this person implied that he/she isn’t suffering from anything dramatic such as a traumatic experience, death of loved ones, problems in relationships or family matters. I myself could say the same. Anyone would want a simple life like mine but guess what.. Even I’m suffering. I’m suffering in a way that doesn’t make sense at all. I think of contemplating suicide, some days more than others. Why? Because of these horrific and nightmarish thoughts I have. I can’t stand the fact of knowing we are like animals and the fact that the food we eat comes from earth. I can’t stand the fact that I’m a human being and not anything more. I can’t stand the fact of seeing other humans because they look weird to me. Since when did a normal human being become weird to me? I don’t wanna talk to anyone and I’d rather be in a black hole rotting away. Life doesn’t make sense at all and the way we do things doesn’t make sense. Working a job for paper made of cotton? What gives. I don’t even know why I’m alive and why I have to live. I hate it, I wish I didn’t exist at all. I don’t wanna hear people talking and I don’t wanna hear at all. I don’t even wanna interact with people. I just wanna spend my days sleeping my life away and praying for death. I sometimes can’t even stand the thought of being in my own skin. I don’t want nothing to do with life at all. It saddens me deeply to know that one point of my life I was truly happy. Now I have these ridiculous thoughts that make me wanna kill myself. I try talking to God but I don’t even feel as if he hears me. I don’t know what to believe in anymore. I just feel like life took the life out of me and the fun out of life. I’m so analytical and mechanical when it comes to everything in life. I question things like why do we have to make a living, why do we have to move.. Like why do anything? What’s the purpose of working and making money? You buy things you don’t need and it’s just all pointless to me. Nothing interests me in life anymore, why should I have to bare it for another 60+ years for when my time is up. It may all sound funny to everyone but its breaking me apart. I can’t have a normal life. Everyone is focused on finding love, getting married, having a good paying job and making a living. My only focus is how much more of these thoughts can I bare. I don’t know, none of what I think makes sense but it surely destroys me. I haven’t tried committing suicide but I’ve cut myself too but not to the extreme. Sometimes you just wanna feel something and sometimes pain makes us feel better.

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rach 7/10/2013 - 11:28 pm

I feel the same things. Just can’t bear living in this world. I am repulsed by it. I wake up traumatized thinking “no, please please no, god don’t send me back here.” The one thing in the world that I love dearly is animals and I try to hold on for my animals. But I think about how tremendously animals suffer and it takes away all will to live since I cannot stop their pain. You are smarter than the average person, you are thinking and feeling deeper than most people ever will. Give yourself credit for that. I don’t know what to do about us being stuck here on this god forsaken rock. Other than attempting suicide what else is there.

lifekilledthelifeinme 7/10/2013 - 11:36 pm

ugh, yes I completely agree. It’s a travesty. I’m repulsed as well.
But yes, stay alive for the animals. I haven’t quite been nice to mine 🙁
I guess man was made to suffer.
And I agree, suicide is so tempting.

stephan 7/11/2013 - 12:42 am

You are right as far as the justification of life is concerned. I sometimes wonder why the hell on earth we are living, what’s the meaning and purpose of our life. I have suffered no big loss but still i don’t feel like bearing all this shit in many more coming years. Future seems to be gloomy, present is miserable. TV, hang out with friends etc. never seem to be interesting as these all put lot of pressure of thoughts over my mind.

People seem to be happy in chasing money, wealth, luxury, relations, growth etc but all these things do not even make any sense that why i also have to chase behind them. Just for the survival………? Is it that i m living on the earth? But even after a lot of contemplation, i don’t get any answer and society and family mount a great pressure on you to do the same things as other people are doing. They ask the same rubbish questions every time and try to disturb the equilibrium of your mind. That’s why i also hate society.

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