I love my wife and Kids, but I am as low as I have ever been. Â I lost my job, and this forces us to move to a new town. Â My wife resigned her job, my kids 7 and 5 will enter new schools and we will be on my salary alone. Â The pressure is killing me. Â I have never been so close to ending it all. Â I have a new job, I have a good new job, it’s hard for me to see it. Â I’ve been so low for so long. Â My kids bring me joy, that’s why i don’t end it all.
I feel like such a looser. Â I declared bankruptcy a while back, and now fired (resigned) from my teaching job. Â I feel such shame. Â I have a fear that I will be homeless and my wife will divorce me and take my kids to her parents. Â I own my truck, I can sleep in it I guess. Â I have family in California, I can move to be near them, or I can start swimming in the ocean as far as I can go, until I’m exhausted and not able to get back.
My wife should have left me. Â She threatened to, and I went to counseling and we decided to stay together. Â She agreed to stay with me, and I am a looser. I need to snap out of this shit and man up, but that is harder to do than say. My kids need me to man up.