pointless thoughts

ive had a killer headache all day. even though my morning started off pretty good and ive had a low stress day i just feel like shit and dont feel good at all. it dosent help people asking me if im ok when they dont want to know the answer. dont ask me something if you dont want me to tell you the truth. you only like the happy, stoner, party side of me so dont try to get to know the real raw me no one sees. yea you used to know me but then what happened, you put me in a fucking mental hospital and didnt talk to me for months then when i call you this summer we hangout and we’re fine. im glad we are good and i love hanging out with you but we havent had a real conversation about anything since we started to hangout again. if you ask me if im alright what am i supossed to do open up to you then have you leave again? then you still want to do our special thing and it makes me sad everytime because shit isnt the same and i wish we could be closer. before you left i told you i actually loved you and i told you not to say anything and think about it while you were gone. i can tell that you dont love me. i dont even mean in a romantic way i mean as a person in the deepest sense… then because you dont come on here anymore i gave you a journal so you could write in it and be inspired by the quotes. you threw it in the back of your car and havent touched it since. yes that kind of hurts but obviously it didnt mean much to you and it hurts. i just miss us i miss having someone and being so completely comfortable with them and being able to tell them everything and the feeling of being loved. itll be good for me to go away to school though i think. i just have alot on my mind and its all making me sick. how can someone be so close to you one min then betray you and hate your guts the next then say youre best friends again. there is no negative feelings toward her whatsoever and it was my doing becoming friends again but its alot harder than i thought it would be.