So Very Sad

I used to feed these cats across the street. I got them spayed and neutered. I fed them for 10 years and the man took the key away. Now the cats are starving. They are known as feral. They do not know how to hunt. I am sad for them trying to help them. I will someway. I am sad and scared. I am scared all the time. Im not sure why I am so scared all the time. Maybe it is my father who used to hit me all the time when I was a child and then took my voice away so I would not tell that he was sexually abusing me. He has been dead for 35 years. I am sad about the ones who bullied me. Its like they are saying please commit suicide we want you to. Why do they want me dead I do not understand. What did I do that they all want me to die?