I m so lost.
I relapsed.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the thoughts and now every knife, scissors, shaver. everything is a blade and every time I look at one I just think about whether it would be able to break my skin.
my parents have no idea and I am so scared of them finding out. my old friends had scars and they told me that she wasn’t aloud at our house anymore.
I lost a friends because of how my parents reacted to her scars.
what would happen if they saw mine?
9 comments
Your parents are probably just worried about you. They might think your friend is a bad influence. It might be worth talking to them about how you feel? They might be more sympathetic than you think
Hey there, “1day” is right..your parents care and they would only want to help. You have to fight the urge to hurt yourself. You express concern for yourself and your loved ones so you do want to live. Give yourself some time cuz life is only going to get better if you let it, make it get better for you and your family, and never give up. Find a purpose to be who you are and love it the. Life is always worth living..the next corner will bring you an answer..you just gotta hold out for it.
What has caused you to have these feelings?
If you’re a cutting addict, you should be getting help with that, and your parents should be part of that help. That’s my opinion.
I agree with the others about your parents. Even if they aren’t supportive, you may find it relieving to just have it out there, to no longer have to bare that secret.
And relapses happen – try not to beat yourself up over it.
Great change comes in small steps even when you feel you’re not moving at all.
im here to listen if you need it. feel free to email me.
im not really sure, its just everything has been getting worse and worse and I thought I was better. I thought I would never have to rely on self harm to make myself feel better but its just been getting harder to stand. I was diagnosed with mild bipolar disorder and depression, but my parents don’t even know because I went to the doctor by myself. my parent just think im moody and im driving my friends away
You sound like someone who bottles things up inside. This is not a good thing. Eventually it comes out in an explosion. I think you should talk to people about what you’re going through, or else thy might just think you’re being difficult and you could lose your friends. Trust me, you don’t want to do that. You’ll need them one day.
Don’t stress too much about self harm. Don’t expect everything to magically be fixed and you never have another bad day. In reality, there will always be bad days, you goal is just to make sure the good days outweigh the bad.
4 months without cutting is really good, you must be strong. Don’t beat yourself up for ending that run. Just try to go another 4 months, or more. Don’t be so hard on yourself, ok?
Like one_day said, talk to people straight.
I’ve been bottling up my feelings my whole life and have only been “me” in private and when anonymous online.
If you just decide to be honest, to be yourself around other people, it will take a massive load off your shoulders, and you will enjoy your social life more, because you can relax and don’t have to live up to your own expectations regarding appropriate behaviour.
I don’t know, maybe that isn’t actually your problem. Maybe it’s just that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents. I hope you manage to. The better your parents understand you, the more they will support you instead of working against you.
Good luck.