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Suicidal Idealization

by khajiit

Ring my doorbell at 3am and saunter in uninvited but welcome so. Amble up to my room with soft and silent footsteps, crack open my bedroom door and let the light you left on in the kitchen seep in and paint the walls a creamy yellow. Tiptoe your way up to me in my peaceful coma and surround me with your smell. Whisper to me, induce warm dreams in my unconsciousness, manipulate my memories with your cloying, sweet presence. Engulf me in your warmth, dissolve me with your rosy promises, blanket me with the starry fabric of space and time itself. Slither into the sheets beside me, seduce me with your siren songs, babble nonsense to my transfixed ears.

Embrace me with your warm, sticky maple syrup hug, envelop me in the honey of your arms. Set in motion a peppermint river in my belly, walk me to the shoreline, swim with me, dive into its depths with me, lets probe the sugar-sandy bottom as we search for shells and precious pearls. Float among the bobbing waves side by side, let the cool rush of the current caress your aching muscles. Drown me in the sweet candy water, lull me to sleep as I suffocate in your nectarous propinquity.

Smother me with sympathy, kiss me with kindness, hug me with humor. Crack me open like a hard piece of candy with a soft liquid center. Dissect me, open me up wide, poke and prod, explore my anatomy. Lap up my insides, tickle my kidneys, lick my liver, stroke my appendix . X ray my ambience, CAT scan my soul. Sew me back up with golden thread, bandage me with betrothal.

Bequeath me with a thorny, barbed noose. Wrap it around my neck and tighten it with lust. Paint flowers on my skin in the blood that seeps from my wounds, embellish me with pictures of lost loved ones and broken dreams. Constellate my freckles into scenes of ancient battles and mythical monsters, weave our legs together, press your body into mine.
Comfort me as you rape away my innocence, soothe me as you strip away my soul.

Suddenly stop. Tell me we cant do this anymore, remind me of your other lovers you must tend to, confess that our intimacy was a mistake. Depart as quickly as you came, leave me a letter promising you’ll visit again, vowing you’ll one day restore what you have stolen. Leave me bleeding in the coffin of my bed, the prints of your fingers still clinging to my flesh like breath on a vacant window. You’ve tainted me with your scent, you’ve marked me with your misery, teased me with your touch. You’ve sucked the vitality from my bones, drained away my dreams and transfused emptiness into my veins with your treacherous, cancerous proboscis.

And you forgot to close the door all the way, you bastard.

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