Thought this would help

Last week I found this website and thought it might help to get all my feelings out because I kind of hold them back. Actually I hold them back a lot. For some reason I started to not sleep again and I know when I don’t get sleep things get bad. But they haven’t gotten this bad since my suicide attempt last year. I don’t know what I was doing but two days ago I just started taking some pills I had. My boyfriend could tell something was wrong and said he was coming over by the time he had gotten here I had taken 11. I knew I wasn’t going to die so I don’t know why I took them. And then I just felt awful about the whole thing. About making my boyfriend go through this with me. His face when I told him I took them just made me feel like the worst piece of shit. I just don’t understand why I took them. The first time I overdosed, yes I was trying to commit suicide. But this time… I knew I wasn’t going to die. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I’m not sure what I was trying to do at all… And now I’m worried that they are going to give me more medicine, like anti-anxiety and I don’t want to have any more pills around my house than I already do. Because obviously even when I’m not trying to kill myself I still take them. I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m at a loss.