It had been half a year since I came here on SP. Since then,I have found my true meaning of life. My life,my pain was the same; but I decided to fight and chase my dreams,and that has made all the difference. I have found my happiness and destination in life. There is no place in this world for those who refuse to fight, I say.
Last night my kitty died. I was playing and laughing with him even at sunset, but at night I found him lying lifeless on the street in front of my house. He must have been hit. It all happened so, so, so suddenly. I felt like my whole life started going downhill again. I loved him the way a mother would love her son. This I know even though I am still 18. Then everything broke and I cried. I mourn for my kitty. He had always meant a lot for me, something no other human had been. Trust me,if it was a classmate or a friend or even a family member that died, I wouldn’t have felt this miserable.
This made me think… in the end, no one could ever go against God’s ultimate power, for He is great in all ways, the true controller of life and death.
Then I looked back and realized that my whole life was a dark labyrinth full of betrayal and pain. God never gave me a garden; I had to craft one all by myself. But even after all that hassle, I still find my life so empty compared to others. I had lost a great deal.Where was it? Where was the family a child should have had?
Of course, it was not my fault, right? Nothing was ever my fault. Behind me lay a trail of dead bodies.I touched them,hugged them, mourned for them. But it was my fault entirely. I should have kept an eye on my kitty. I should not have let him play outside that day. I should not have ignored his calls when he meowed for me in front of my bedroom door every single morning. Now everything was just a cruel remnant of that beginning. I am such a big failure. I always fail in the end. No matter how many lives I saved, there seems to never be enough to payback for the ones I lost.
I do not blame God for taking away everything from me. Does anyone feel the same way? Have you ever lost a very, very beloved pet?
Rest in peace, my dear. Good bye. Have sweet dreams. I love you, and I will always remember you for the rest of my life.
1 comment
Aww sweetie I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved kitty *hugs* I share your sentiment that it’s harder to deal with than a human dying. You can always say you should have done this or that, given him more attention, whatever… you loved him and he knew it and that’s what matters.