whats the point..?

There’s that question again…

“What’s the point?”

It’s as though everyone is raised to believe that there is some sort of “point,” some sort of… innate, underlying “meaning” for their lives.

The only reason anyone exists, is because their parents had intercourse and combined their reproductive genetic material, resulting in an offspring.

“The point” is not required to exist. “The point” is that you have something ineffably precious, called “life,” and no one can figure out why human beings are conscious and self-aware. No one knows why your consciousness, your awareness, has resulted from your body, instead of that of another. There really isn’t any way for us to figure that out. Why am i me, and you’re you? Why are you you, and not someone else? No one knows. I doubt that’s possible to know.

“The point” is that we only live temporarily, and there is nothing to indicate that we will ever exist again, beyond this life, in any form. You have a limited amount of time to do whatever is important or enjoyable to you, before it’s over. You might as well live until you can’t, and in the meantime, try to do as much as you can with it, since there is no way of knowing whether, and nothing to indicate that, you will ever have a chance to do or be anything else, ever again.

Don’t throw away what you don’t know you can replace. Don’t break what you don’t know can be fixed. “You” are the only one you get, and so is everyone else… so try not to cause damage where it can be avoided.

Acting like you don’t care about your own life, will surely upset anyone who does care. Getting drunk and offending people is usually not a good approach. On the other hand, “real friends” should forgive you when you make mistakes and try to make amends. Unless of course you’ve cross too many of the wrong lines… at which point you have to take responsibility for your own actions, and accept that you might have done something that makes those people not want to be around you anymore.

Are you mad because you know i’m right? Or some other bizarre reason?

You’re right, i don’t know you or her, and i honestly don’t really care. You just seem to be in need of help.

I don’t have to shut up, and you don’t have to listen. I can’t stop you from killing yourself, if that’s what you really want to do. It’s your choice. Good luck.

I just think that your friend probably does care, and she will probably be very upset upon learning of your chosen demise, and she will probably be haunted by the fact that the two of you “fought” (or whatever it may have been) right before you departed. I don’t think that’s “stupid bullshit.” I realize that probably doesn’t change your mind, and it probably hurts to think about the pain your departure would cause to those who do care, but don’t seem to understand your struggles… but sometimes “thinking of those you’ll leave behind,” is the only thing that hurts enough to make someone consider finding another option. I contemplate such things constantly. I’m way older than you, and my life is probably far worse, and has always been some degree of displeasing or unbearable.

It’s very unlikely that anyone who does care, will ever truly “understand,” nor will they ever approve of your choice to exit early. Or they might understand, but want you to keep trying anyway. People who care will not approve of your suicide, regardless of how well you might be able to rationally justify it.

On the other hand, once we’re gone, we don’t have to feel remorse or regret anything we’ve done. It’s just over and that’s that, and since we no longer exist, we cannot have any awareness of anything at all, which includes the suffering caused by our choices, to those we leave behind.

Despite your lack of existence or awareness of any of it, they will be left to grief your absence… even if it was the only choice you wanted to make. They will hurt, for a very long time, and you won’t have to know. It’s not about “guilt-tripping,” it just is what it is.

I don’t think that my commenting any of this should be labeled as “stupid bullshit,” but at the same time, i realize, and have personally experienced, how much it sucks to be so angry at the entire world, and how nothing anyone can say will even approach changing it.

The only thing that can change anything for you, is you.

You could channel that anger into laser-focus, and try to use what’s left of your youth, to accomplish something you find meaningful or fulfilling… while potentially enabling better life circumstances to develop for yourself, so that you won’t have to suffer as much, and won’t have to hate the world.

People are people, and will do what they do. Despite my countless and continued efforts, i have yet to adequately convey how profoundly frustrating that has been, for me, in my own life. You’re not wrong to be angry… unless you’re angry about the wrong things, for the wrong reasons. Only you can determine which is which.

Then you know what you need to change about yourself.

Fear controlled you, and now you’re haunted by what fear stopped you from doing, while knowing that what you feared, was actually the right thing to do.

In quite a different way, “i’ve been there.” I know that shame. I’ve yielded to fear in critical moments, and i can’t even allow myself to think of it, because it just stokes the fires of the inferno of infernal rage that i just can’t carry anymore.

And when i stopped being enraged and seething with hatred and darkness all the time, i became bitter at what i must accept before it can be changed. I can’t change the past, but i can learn from my mistake, and if i ever have to face a similar dilemma again, i will probably smile and savagely fling myself into whatever terrible obstacle beckons me to cower in fear, before it.

But as long as nothing like that happens, which is usually the case as long as i continue avoiding such scenarios, then i’m usually quite calm. There is no use being so worked up over lots of the things that suck about the world.

You have to find a way to forgive yourself for being too scared to do what was right, and allowing mercy for a villain who didn’t deserve it.

On the other hand… it’s unrealistic to expect a child to heroically fight monsters.

I would like to see you hang on and conquer your fears… but it’s not my place to demand you do so… and it won’t work unless you want it with all your being, and refuse to quit.