Why I’m Back

Well just a few weeks ago, while I was traveling, my mother lost her job. I figured by the time I got home that things wouldnt be too bad, but that she would be looking for work. Well she has yet to even look for a job. Our finances are really starting to stretch, and I know that, even though she wont admit it. I have been working recently and I am getting a second job soon, while my mother continues to sit at home and not do much.

I understand she is down on her luck, and I don’t want to kick her while she is down, but sooner or later, she is going to need to get back on her feet. And I would rather it be sooner, you know before things get to tight around here.

But while I was working today, I was completly alone, and all I did was think. I was tired, and I was pretty upset. My mom brought me lunch, and it was the most awkward thing. I was telling her how I had been looking at colleges, and how they were near the beach and not too far from LA. Well we live in Maryland.. so she wasnt happy about that.

She doesnt want me to move away.. and she is trying to keep me close to home. But I want out. I want to get away from my mother, and father, and all the fuckers that ruin me.

Tears are burning my eyes right now, and I’m really fighting them back, even though I am alone in my room.

Im afraid of breaking down again, and Im afraid that if I start crying, I may not stop..

I just needed somewhere to write all of these things down, and to let other people hear (erm.. well read for that matter) what’s been going on lately.