Pretty sure I’ll be doing it within a month. I’ve decided on a hanging, I’ve looked into the subject a lot and the best options are expensive, and the other options can leave you pretty messed up. Hanging can too of course but has a higher success rate and is cheap to do. I knew a guy who tried shooting himself in the hospital during a previous attempt so even guns aren’t a guarantee but nothing is really. I don’t really expect anyone to read this, I notice most posts on here don’t have comments, so either no one reads or no one cares. That’s perfect for me, this isn’t a cry for help – been through that already. I just wanna vent it out so I can leave some small evidence that I was here in this world.
I don’t hate my life. I don’t deserve my life – why is it that I have this good life but there are people who suffer and have shitty lives on top of it? If I could trade my good life for a shitty one I would do it for someone so they could be happy. I have no good reason to kill myself compared to what other people go through, but I feel like it’s really my only option at this point. I get kicked out of the house within a month, hence why I don’t think I will last that long.
I do this because I hate myself. I’m a coward and never took a chance at anything. I believe in god, I also believe I will burn in hell for doing this… but I do this because everyone would be so much better without me. I live off my parents and I am long past the age where I should. I don’t even have a car, and no girl would want a guy who has no motivation to do any of those things. Like I said I’m a coward. I just hope that whoever finds my body is a cop or someone who won’t be traumatized by it. I thought about calling the cops before I do it, but then of course they might arrive fast enough to save me, so I don’t think so. Why do others enjoy causing misery? I’ve been picked on but this isn’t even just about me – not long ago I read some story where a girl who was simply trying to fit in, got raped and murdered. They never caught the people who did it, they just have suspects and no proof. No justice was done, the girl didn’t deserve that. This stuff is on the news everyday it’s not a rare occurrence.
I’ve tried to be a nice person and do the right thing my whole life, it only gets you stepped on. You either become a hateful person or you become the target. The world is so sick.
2 comments
My boyfriend was in the same position as you. He felt so useless and told himself he would be dead by 27, without a doubt. I don’t know you, or your situation well, but I’m here and I’m reading this post. My boyfriend and I both know what you feel. As though you have no reason to be here or to try. But you do. I battled—am still battling depression. Everyday is a fucking struggle to continue. I feel like a fucking waste of space, but killing myself doesn’t feel right. We were placed here for a reason, and for some of us it takes a while to figure that out. Please don’t off yourself. If you believe in God, ask him for help. It sounds like you need a support group and a church is a great place to start. I’m not religious at all, but I believe religion could help you and give you something to strive for. At least until you decide on other goals. As for girls, I was drawn into my boyfriend because of his depression or as I say, other views of the world. You are so different from many people and I promise that some girl out there will appreciate it. Ya know, I like to think those of us who deal with depression experience everything like no one else. I strongly advise you also look up Charles bukowski, he saved me. Anyways, don’t end it. You’re here for a reason. Don’t try to control fate.
Hi materiauser, i’ve just read your post and wanted to comment. I’m also very suicidal atm (on medication) but I still care about you. I respect your decision. You believe in God, why do you think you will burn in hell if you commit suicide? What are the details of your hanging. How will you do it? Where will you do it? My suicide preference would be ******** (because I’m a coward to do it any other way), but ******** is hard to get.