This is becoming a pattern, and not a good one. Â These 1am wake-ups are going to cause alot of issues with the students come back to class next week. Â I had my appointment tonight and have to go back again next week. Â Over the years, the time between sessions has varied from once a month, to years without, to two or three times a week (that was a REALLY bad time). Â To some extent, I can gauge my my mental ‘health’ and level of denial by the frequency/infrequency of appointments.
It was a rough day on Monday. Â Sitting through endless hours of being talked at about the ‘state of the district’ and the educational environment and this initiative and that change and yada yada yada. Â I’m not used to sitting for so damn long! Â Today is more of the same; meeting followed by another meeting, with a break for lunch and a 100% chance of more meetings in the afternoon! Â Hopefully, today won’t find me locked in my classroom crying for a half-hour like Monday. I hope…
4 comments
It sounds like you have to function at a very high level, holding down a job as a teacher of some sort? Maybe a leave of absence if you’re feeling so unwell would be wise. I certainly couldn’t teach in the state I’m in but then again I’m not in your shoes, maybe you’re coping. But it sounds like you need a break. It’s ok to give ourselves breaks sometimes.
I have been feeling the same, How can you face the day when you can’t get through the night. Please what is your email I would like to understand more.
I understand (I’m not a teacher, but a good friend of mine is a teacher and he had a nervous breakdown…). I understand because of the anxiety and insomnia. My job (I am an electrical cabling sub contractor) has had the same moments. I’ve had 6 months off on stress leave because it all got too much. I’ve found some ways to alleviate anxiety and depression myself, but it’s always best to talk. jrski27@hotmail.com. I can relate, your not alone (nor am I 🙂
Ssak, I’ll reply to your comment, but this will answer the others as well. There was a point about six years ago, where I was on medical leave for extreme anxiety/PTSD/depression. Those six weeks without a paycheck and the cut that the rest of my paychecks over the summer took was the beginning of what ended up with us losing our home this past spring. Now mind you, my husband’s challenges with holding down a job at the time didn’t help either, but the reality is that I am the primary financial source for my family and as such I can’t just fall apart and take time off. I will do what I have to do to survive, adjust medications, take more or less, go to more counseling sessions… whatever it takes. Things have been better, but they have also been much worse, so I know I need to try to keep it in perspective. So much of my identity is wrapped up in my professional life–I know, very masculine, but that’s not what it’s about. I’m an over-achiever, a pleaser, perfectionistic and very, very hard on myself. I can’t ‘not’ work. I am eternally grateful for my support team. My therapist has known me for 25 years–longer than my husband and I have been together! His best quality is that no matter how much I fall apart, he always respects my professional identity because he knows it keeps me tethered/grounded. Anyway, I’m not sure where I was going with this and it got way too long, but that’s not surprising given the kind of day it’s been. Perhaps I will write more later, probably at 1am again 🙂