Honestly, I don’t know how I ended up here on this website. I’m not even sure when I started feeling like this. It’s a scary thing when you’re lying awake and finding yourself thinking ‘What if I just died?’. ‘Would anyone care?’. ‘Everyone dies. Life goes on. People move on.’, ‘It wouldn’t be any different.’
I don’t think I could ever actually kill myself. I’m far too scared to ever do it. It’s just the fact that I’ve ever considered it that scares me more than anything.
I found lately, that there’s not much point in trying to explain to my friends how I feel because they can never really understand it. Outward I’m this, calm, happy 24 year old girl with the best group of friends anyone can ask for. Inwards, I feel like I’m abandoned, like I’m the loneliest person in the world and I feel like nobody can hear me screaming. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have clinical depression but it has been a really, really rough year and I just wish someone would understand.