Â August 1, 2013 Thursday 2:55 pm
Iâ€™m a lot stronger now than I have ever been. I have my anger somewhat controlled, Iâ€™m slowly getting it together. But as I look back at the hard times I was having. I was so scared and afraid of my future and didnâ€™t know my purpose on earth anymore. I felt like I should be dead at the age 23 years old. I lived a life as well as I could. I was so broken down and beaten I was just tired of waking up every day fighting to be happy or just to be alive . I wanted out and I wanted out NOW.
June 18, 2013 was a hard day for me. Some people say the devil isnâ€™t real and god is never there but I beg a differ. I made a mistake by letting the devil in my head and I couldnâ€™t stop what he was telling me to do or what was to come that night as I went home. That day as I sat at work all I could think of was dying I planned it out piece by piece. I made a will to my mom told her that I loved her and that I was sorry for what Iâ€™ve done and that Iâ€™m a lot happier. I wrote in my journal that day telling myself I was going to go to hell for killing an innocent soul, every word I wrote was Iâ€™m going to hell over and over again. I went to the extreme to give my information to my mom of bank account, to Facebook, yahoo mail.Â I literally felt like I was going to die and go to hell, there was NO saving me.
All I can remember from that night was I called my mom crying telling her I didnâ€™t want to live. She made me promise to her that I wouldnâ€™t do anything that stupid to her myself, I promised but I broke that promise 10 minutes from then. I did the unthinkable and laid there crying. As Iâ€™m crying I started to see my future and thatâ€™s when I wanted to live. I remember riding to the ER and screaming and crying I want to live please help me!! â€œI donâ€™t want to die, please help meâ€. Â
Â As I lie there crying and holding on to what I could grasp all I could think of, Is God is true, does he love all his children? If so then why let me go that far of taking my life.
Â June 26, 2013 as I am getting help I needed I can finally see the light. I see how truly loved I am and how special life is and to love every minute of my life as it goes by. I will never let myself go to that place again donâ€™t be afraid to ask for help because there are many people who are willing to help those in need. My life has changed since that day I may have lost friends on this journey but I am still strong and willing to do anything to be happy and stand strong. I would do anything to help those in need of just needing someone there for them. I know itâ€™s hard Iâ€™ve been there and honestly itâ€™ll get better. Just give it time let god take over and guide you to where you need to be.