 August 1, 2013 Thursday 2:55 pm
I’m a lot stronger now than I have ever been. I have my anger somewhat controlled, I’m slowly getting it together. But as I look back at the hard times I was having. I was so scared and afraid of my future and didn’t know my purpose on earth anymore. I felt like I should be dead at the age 23 years old. I lived a life as well as I could. I was so broken down and beaten I was just tired of waking up every day fighting to be happy or just to be alive . I wanted out and I wanted out NOW.
June 18, 2013 was a hard day for me. Some people say the devil isn’t real and god is never there but I beg a differ. I made a mistake by letting the devil in my head and I couldn’t stop what he was telling me to do or what was to come that night as I went home. That day as I sat at work all I could think of was dying I planned it out piece by piece. I made a will to my mom told her that I loved her and that I was sorry for what I’ve done and that I’m a lot happier. I wrote in my journal that day telling myself I was going to go to hell for killing an innocent soul, every word I wrote was I’m going to hell over and over again. I went to the extreme to give my information to my mom of bank account, to Facebook, yahoo mail. I literally felt like I was going to die and go to hell, there was NO saving me.
All I can remember from that night was I called my mom crying telling her I didn’t want to live. She made me promise to her that I wouldn’t do anything that stupid to her myself, I promised but I broke that promise 10 minutes from then. I did the unthinkable and laid there crying. As I’m crying I started to see my future and that’s when I wanted to live. I remember riding to the ER and screaming and crying I want to live please help me!! “I don’t want to die, please help meâ€. Â
 As I lie there crying and holding on to what I could grasp all I could think of, Is God is true, does he love all his children? If so then why let me go that far of taking my life.
 June 26, 2013 as I am getting help I needed I can finally see the light. I see how truly loved I am and how special life is and to love every minute of my life as it goes by. I will never let myself go to that place again don’t be afraid to ask for help because there are many people who are willing to help those in need. My life has changed since that day I may have lost friends on this journey but I am still strong and willing to do anything to be happy and stand strong. I would do anything to help those in need of just needing someone there for them. I know it’s hard I’ve been there and honestly it’ll get better. Just give it time let god take over and guide you to where you need to be.