Driving.

So here recently the thoughts of suicide have been creeping back to my thoughts. And it looks pretty good at this moment.. Over the past couple of weeks I have done the most selfish thing I have ever done. I want go into any detail because its just to entirely long and complicated. I have been crying alot. Which is fine, because I really really do deserve to feel like shit.
Sometimes I really do want to die. Lately I have been driving without a seat belt, with hopes that I wreck. Its pathetic I know. But its the only thing I can think of other than just holding a gun to my head. Which i have done but been to cowardly to follow through..
I have started back smoking because of all the “stress.”
It really does help some.
These are just my lonely ramblings today.
I hope these feelings go away soon.