So, in English composition, we have to write a narrative about the first time we did something. I’m writing about the first time I cut. I mean, in my creative writing class that I took two years ago, I wrote a lot of really deep and dark stories. The counselors already know about my cutting and suicide attempts, so one more narrative can’t hurt, right?
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Bad idea. Your just going to get yourself into more mandated help from therapists and psychologists. By the way, I know you are the one that posted about the school shooting. I will be watching you closely.
Depends how you say it. If you look back on it with regret or some shit he be like, wow this chick (farely sure but appolagies if wrong gender) seems to be getting some bit better or something, prehaps ease off and that gives more wiggle room in later discussions and such. Look back on it with happieness and ur fucked, in my oppinion anyway, personally I always loved writing a story from inside the mimd of a grown serial killer.
Don’t do it! People do not respond will to that sort of thing. They will label you with bpd and then everything you do people will say it is just for attention.
Plus, when you get older, and things are easier, your Amygdala will be fully developed you will stop cutting, and you will be embarsassed of the scars. Imagine tring to find a reason to tell your small child why you have those scares.
We cut because we want to control the pain others have inflicted. No matter how much we cut we can never control what others do.
Things will get better.
fuck you all. I’m gonna do whatever the hell I want to and I don’t care what you guys think. FUCK YOU!
Honestly, that’s about the best way to approach just about anything, unless success requires adherence to rules.
I agree: do whatever makes you feel right. Just be aware that sometimes doing what makes you feel right, will make others feel wrong, and make other think that you are wrong. I won’t say you shouldn’t, but be aware of how your actions can cause effects that you might not like.
If you have a reasonable expectation of potential consequences, and what you want to do is worth risking that, to you, then i can’t say you’re wrong. Just be sure it’s really what you want to do.
In this particular case… it’s “creative writing,” and it’s not new to your counselors. It’s you writing about something with which you are intimately familiar. They always say: “write what you know.” You’re probably only risking making others uncomfortable, or encouraging their potentially negative stereotyping of you.
Like i said, if you know what you’re risking, and aren’t really hurting anyone… then go for it. “Do you.”
Your topic choice for public consumption is about as wise as going to Moscow and having a one man Gay Pride Festival … nothing positive will come from this revelation in this venue and media.
School assignments are generally geared to assess that you can do the assignment and follow the rules and structure – not to be provocative … write about something that is considered normal and benign like the first time you rode a horse or went camping … writing about cutting will only draw negative attention from people who will never understand … and that will only isolate you more and make your world more difficult because of the willful ignorance of others.
But don’t come here, solicit opinions then have a tantrum like a foul mouthed 4 year old when you actually get what you asked for and don’t agree with.
Educator Dawg
I like the idea of “do whatever you want.” However, as Dawg has so sagely pointed out, practicality turns out to be pretty important in the real world.
However, if what you really want, is to be provocative and ignore the potentially severe social impacts of your intended choice of writing assignment topics… if what you really want, and know you are risking, is to do as you intend… then i can say that you should do that. You’ll find out the hard way, just how much the backlash from such reckless irreverence and audacity can hurt… far more and deeper than the pain of any blade… but sometimes people can’t understand until they see the results for themselves.
I like Dawg’s post, and agree with it. It’s just that, as “Educator Dawg,” Dawg should know that sometimes, people have to learn the hard way, no matter how much or how well you try to explain things, to help them avoid unnecessary complications.
@Clevername – I’ve had the distinct experience on several occasions to “learn the hard way” on many occasions … and having been on the other side, I speak from experience that i wish on several occasions that i would have listened to knowledgeable counsel instead of waving it off as “you don’t know what you’re talking about”
Quite frankly, i don’t care what this person chooses to do – it has zero effect on my life – listen/don’t listen … meh … i still have dogs to feed and bills to pay … it’s their choice and their life is not mine to live
been there dawg
Right, but, without having been there and done that, would you know to wish you had listened, before doing what taught you to value that, through experience of learning the hard way? 😛
Lots of people never figure out what “learn the hard way” means, until they have learned the hard way… despite all the people telling them, just because their own experiences of learning the hard way, left them with a lasting tendency to try to help others avoid facing the lessons of “the hard way.”
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have that tendency as well, to try to help people before they smash into the learning of the hard way, due to my own hard-way lessons. Sometimes, though, they just can’t understand what you’re trying to tell them, until they’ve learned the hard way.
It’s like… sad, poetic, ironic… there’s a word to describe the particular feeling, but i don’t remember it.
I often wonder what is the point, what is the value of trying to help people avoid the hard ways we’ve learned, when most of them are unable to appreciate the lessons, until after having learned them the hard way.
I start to feel like… what is the point of trying to help anyone? What is the usefulness of shouting lessons that no one wants? They’ll learn the hard way, whether we did or not, whether we try to help, or not. I might even argue that it is impossible to truly appreciate knowledge that hasn’t been learned “the hard way” ie: as an individual in pursuit of desired knowledge, determining how to learn said knowledge, and experiencing the pain of mistakes, through trial and error. Lessons taught “the easy way” are often too quickly and easily forgotten, or never really understood, in the first place.
I suppose it’s better to still try anyway… but sometimes people just aren’t ready to learn whatever you might be trying to teach them, even if you’re trying to save them from a huge mistake.
In the real world, people are still contracting/spreading HIV/AIDS, and having bastard children, and… well, going to church (lol). Is anyone listening to the “lessons?” Or are most people adamant about learning the hard way?
WEll – I can propably agree that learning the hard way was a good lesson in learning to listen to good advice before learning the hard way … it took a long while for that lesson “to take” with me … probably about 25 yrs … but i slowly started listening more and asking more instead of being bull headed.
When people ask – yes we should help … but we can only guide – we cannot make the decision or do the task for them … when we observe a struggle we should assist when we can … but nothing is “required” but i think it build character to be decent and helpful to folks – creates a sense of accomplishment and community … some folks don’t want that – and that’s their business.
But I’m none too keen on being asked and then told “fuck you” when i answer … not that i take it personal … in fact it absolves me of any investment in the outcome.
So yeah – i’ll help when i can and when folks ask … because some are reaching that transition point between learning the hard way and accepting advice … if they are never answered when they ask, they learn they cannot rely on asking ever and get stuck fighting through life feeling alone against the world. I want them to know that there are some people who just want to help with no expectation of anything – no other motives than the satisfaction of helping … take it or leave it – it matters not to me.
the value?
is trust
customer service dawg
I’ve always struggled with determining whose advice to trust, and weighing the source of the advice, against the content therein. It quickly becomes hopelessly complicated, and so i usually just assume that most people would not have advice that is right for me. Usually, testing proves this true… and so i’m one of those who has ended up stuck fighting through life feeling alone, knowing there are so very few, if any, who i could rely upon for useful and applicable advice. This created my discovery of the personal need for figuring things out for myself, and developing a widely applicable and adaptable approach for reliably making the best choice in each situation, “by default.” So that’s pretty much “my thing,” now. And yes, i’m sure it is as complex and challenging as you might imagine it would be… but it’s better to at least have a methodical approach, than to be totally fucked. I like when the right thing is automatic, and when i don’t have to think too hard or for too long, when a dilemma strikes… but sometimes it’s necessary, and sometimes, as i’ve discovered, “right” can change according to circumstance. “Right” is actually variable, in some ways.
I will say, however, that if i were to make a short list of people on SP who seem most worthy of trust, who are most likely to lend valuable insight and give useful advice… Dawg would certainly be on that list.
I know what you’re saying … but dismissing any advice out of hand can be as detrimental as not asking for it in the first place.
Here’s my approach … Advice is like raw materials – for example, wood for building a house – for building … it is never in the shape and size you need for the job … it just isn’t … but it’s cheaper and less labor intensive than going out and cutting down trees to craft the lumber yourself. The advice/wood sometimes is the right kind but the wrong size/shape … so you have to tailor it for your specific needs.
It’s easier to cut a 4 foot section of a 2×4 for an 8 foot piece than it is to go cut down a tree
Advice offers ideas and perspectives for someone to think about and adapt to their particular situation – nothing i can offer anyone will be “the same” as it was for me … but the thoughts, ideas and concepts can be the foundation of a tailored game plan going forward … like the original poster asked about this topic … he/she may not have considered what other people who have never been exposed to cutting might think since they may never have been exposed or even heard about it.
I’ve heard about cutting – and i STILL don’t understand it … and i’ve been exposed to it in large quantities through my experience here … if it STILL doesn’t make any rational sense to me, who is sympathetic – then how will it sound to others who have never even conceived that people might purposely put steel to skin?
Note that in most of my postings here – i make no judgement towards cutters here or anywhere – and i don’t offer advice on it – because i’m ignorant to its purpose or cause … i accept that people do it for reasons beyond me … just like some might shake their heads at why i save broken sick smelly old dogs that will die anyway – they don’t feel what i feel – fair enough.
but then i don’t go out and shove it in their faces either … and saving dogs is a little more “socially acceptable” than cutting … so that aspect MUST be accounted for when considering to write such a composition – there is an audience where that will play well – but the general population of a very socially fickle school is not that audience.
I don’t engage my step mother in political discussions because she is a teabag republican – the policies she embraces are extremely harmful to the well being of many in our family … I just go to dinners and tell her i love her and “how bout them Bears?”
But i’m off on tangents… bottom line is any advice can be useful – correctly assessing the source and the motives, experience and knowledge of that source is important to giving the advice weight … but even then, sometimes we need to be grounded to the basic fundamentals that we can at times over think or take for granted … it wouldn’t be the first time that i looked at a problem, trying to think of a fancy solution only to have a child give some simplistic base solution that turns out to be genius.
listed dawg 😉
I like your wood analogy…
And to it, i will reply: i feel like i need to build a computer, and people are telling me to go chop down trees. And i’m like “wtf!? useless!” If i say i need to build computers, and you tell me to chop down trees, i will assume you are incapable of understanding my problem.
Upon receiving such an unhelpful answer in the manner described, i tend to never again ask those people for advice, and disregard any they may ever give.
However, being the natural thinker that i am, i always end up at least considering most things, and testing them for truth or relevance.
Sometimes the “go chop trees” answer is not intended to help me build computers… but to remind me that i’ve gotten way ahead of myself, and cannot begin to build computers, until i have a place to build them… and if i can’t just buy ready-cut lumber, then i’ll need to chop trees. Right?
Agreed – some people feel compelled to insert their 2 cents even thought they aren’t in the same state/province much less the right neighborhood … that goes without saying.
But any place you buy lumber, it’s precut to standard sizes … you’ll still neet to cut it to the very specific size needed for the specific job – it’s rare that lumber comes in perfect length right from the lumber yard … and if it does, chances are you paid extra for them to do it 😉
But the person who suggests cutting wood when you’re building a computer might be a carpenter … they speak what they know … so to summarily disregard them in all instances may not be the best option … one has to ask one’s self why one might feel compelled to ask a carpenter for advice building a computer while ignoring asking said carpenter when building an addition on the house 😉
hammer dawg
There’s an old geezer saying.
“Use the right tool for the job”
Aesop dawg
People have to makes their own mistakes. No one ever listens. Would any of you had listened to the older you?
@Duke That brings to mind the science fiction film Looper. In this movie, a man is confronted with the older version of himself. But it is fully expressed that, as time is not fixed, the choices this man made may not be the choices that the younger man will make, and so his life could turn out entirely different.
I believe life is governed by Chaos Theory, as such. When I look back on all the choices I made that have lead to one thing, drastically changing my life in the process, it makes sense. If I had not started at point A., I would never have gotten to point D. If I had not chosen A., I could have had a completely varying present. Sometimes, when we make choices, we are aware of the potential consequences it could have on our lives, whether for the greater good, or for the worse. More often, all we can do is speculate. If we have experienced enough ourselves, and have learned from the experiences of others, it is much easier to gauge which decisions would be wise, and which would be better off unexplored.
Many people make decisions without ever considering the consequence. Perhaps these are the type of people who will look back at their life and be proud that they actually ‘lived.’ Maybe they will forget all that was negative, and think only of that which benefited them in some way, or which they imagine to have been beneficial.
In my experience, when I make a decision /without/ considering every possible result that comes to mind, it usually ends badly. But sometimes, one has to take a leap of faith – faith in oneself, and in others. If one knows, however, that in taking this leap they may be temporarily giving up their autonomy, it might not always be a good idea. To paraphrase what Matt Damon’s character said in Bourne Identity, “The first thing I do in a situation is examine it from all angles, and form an exit strategy, if that should prove necessary.”
If you make a choice that could potentially land you imprisoned or fined – strategize a way so that you could avoid detention, or refrain from making the decision at all. If you are going to a party where you might encounter people from your past whom you would rather not be forced to fraternize with, form a reason to avoid them, or simply do not go. If you are in mental agony and want some release, but are aware that causing yourself self-harm might change how others perceive you, and are bothered by this thought, then do it in such a manner that they wouldn’t notice, or do something else instead, realizing that the act itself of self-harm, while providing temporary distraction, ultimately leads nowhere. And so on. (Note: no judgment is meant towards those who do self-harm, as I myself cannot stop from doing so at times, even know I know it is pointless and not doing any good.)
I can’t believe 1) you’re a girl and 2) you wrote that entire response to me.
We are addicts. Whether it’s drugs, gambling, alcohol or the less obvious compulsive behaviour. We all have our vices no matter how small, no matter how we hide them. Addictions aren’t based on logic in the same way that we make impulsive decisions in our daily lives. There is a lot to write about this but that will take too long so I’ll give you a perfectly good example: I am going to bet on a race. I study the form, statistics and all my knowledge. I come to a conclusion and put my faith in it. Someone else has also studied the race and they cone to a different conclusion. What they say seems to be more logical than my own interpretation. But, I don’t follow their selection because of all the effort I’ve gone to, I convince myself because it’s what I want rather than what i believe is likely to happen. Do you understand.
Honestly?
If the older me /actually/ showed up, to tell me “hey, you’re about to fuck up – DON’T!” I’d be very likely to listen. Who would know better than myself, after having made the decision i can only speculate? Who else would care as much about what i was about to do, but the person who has already experienced the resulting consequences of the mistake he’s come back in time to warn me to avoid?
So yeah. If it was really me, and i knew it was really me, that would be the one person most worthy of my trust.
@Persephone:
Nice.
@Duke Sometimes I can’t believe I’m female, either. 😉 Haha, I started out by replying to your post, and then went on from there with my thoughts in regard to the thread. That’s generally what I am doing when I am mentioning someone. Anyhow.
And yes, of course. We all act based on what we know, and want, and perceive, and quite often we act irrationally, without being able to explain to ourselves and others why we acted that way. The more we repeat an irrational action, the more we try to rationalize it, so that we can continue without feeling as much guilt, or the like, as before. The first time a man kills someone, whether in war, self-defense, or murder, he is guilty and ashamed of what he has done. But if he goes on to kill others, he learns to detach himself from the other person, and see them as lesser than himself – almost as if they are not worthy to live. Serial killers often take pleasure in agonizing and torturing their victims, as they find themselves suffering from a ‘God complex.’ They see themselves as being in control, and feeling control over others can be extremely addictive. They do not know exactly ‘why’ they want to kill people, only that they find gratification from the end result.
Cool. Do you want to hook up some time
OP: I would say don’t write about it. I feel like you are leaving a “paper trail” that can later be used against you. You know you can be involuntarily held in a psych ward despite being underage right? If the authorities decide you are a harm to yourself or others guess what will be the first thing they use to justify detaining you? your writings. However, I don’t know how likely this is to happen but it is a risk when writing on those types of subjects. You need to listen to the advice given to avoid it altogether. Why not keep a personal journal hidden for those types of subjects? (Most) People don’t understand mental illnesses and will label you and stigmatize you if you are considered to have one. However, it is still only up to you to make whatever choices you decide to make.
DOM: Simply put if a guy that looked exactly like me approached me 5-6 years ago and told me that choices A B and C led to a horrific and catastrophic results you bet your ass I would listen.
@Duke Lol 😛
@PainNlife That’s definitely a good point. I’ve always worried, as I would talk to various doctors and counselors, that all the notes they would take would one day serve as ‘evidence’ if I happened to snap. I do hope I never will, though, aha.
Persephone – look at all the wise stuff Buddha has said. If we all just followed what that guy said, half of us wouldn’t be on here. The problem is that he’s a pretty boring guy. It’s not natural to live that way and even if we did, we would never see the results or the benefit because the grass is never greener. You could really write loads on the human psyche but who cares anyway.
I would say that buddha was right about most things.
However, buddhism is more about “breaking the cycle of reincarnation,” and less about living a wonderful life. It basically assumes, quite literally, that “life is suffering.”
Ultimately, it comes down to trying not to be so upset about the inevitably bad stuff that happens in life, so that you can avoid making it worse, and so you can be at peace in the end, because for whatever reason, they believed that being at peace in the end, would cause the cycle of reincarnation to break, so that one would no longer have to experience the inevitable suffering of life.
I really like the story of how the four noble truths came to be.