Ok, I’ve never expressed myself like this before but I have nobody else to turn to. I am a 35 year old man whose partner left 5 weeks ago. I had a 19 year habit with cannabis, something I have given up since my partner left because it caused me to rage in uncontrollable ways. So would never physically harm her but the mental torture I must have put her through was intense. I don’t even know why. Now after 5 weeks off it I haven’t had one money of madness and feel good about that but there is one problem. She won’t speak to me anymore and I know feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. We used to do everything together and not having her around is making me think of crazy things like taking my own life. I know it sounds cliche but you really don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.
Ive spent all morning thinking of how many pills I’d need to buy to take my own life and the longer she’s away the harder this is becoming. I really don’t know what to do. She was the only person I’d really speak to and now I feel I have nowhere to turn and I don’t want her to know how I feel cos I’ve put her under enough pressure with my past behaviours.
Just looking for some help