Ok, I’ve never expressed myself like this before but I have nobody else to turn to. I am a 35 year old man whose partner left 5 weeks ago. I had a 19 year habit with cannabis, something I have given up since my partner left because it caused me to rage in uncontrollable ways. So would never physically harm her but the mental torture I must have put her through was intense. I don’t even know why. Now after 5 weeks off it I haven’t had one money of madness and feel good about that but there is one problem. She won’t speak to me anymore and I know feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. We used to do everything together and not having her around is making me think of crazy things like taking my own life. I know it sounds cliche but you really don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.
Ive spent all morning thinking of how many pills I’d need to buy to take my own life and the longer she’s away the harder this is becoming. I really don’t know what to do. She was the only person I’d really speak to and now I feel I have nowhere to turn and I don’t want her to know how I feel cos I’ve put her under enough pressure with my past behaviours.
Just looking for some help
2 comments
Cannabis caused you to rage in uncontrollable rages? Uhh..I’m sure that’s the crack you’re talking about!
I’m not sure what the story is behind that one detail but I’ve never actually heard of some one being worse off in that way by smoking cannabis. Not saying that it’s not true but I’ve only know cannabis to save lives. And it gets people high. Harmless! It’s not meth or man made.
You want my advise?
Just forget about suicide and try to turn your life around. Take control of your own actions and responsibility for what you have left..which is your life. You might be able to work it out with this girl down the line. Suicide is just naïve in terms of what you still have.
Pills aren’t going to kill you.. Do you know how many people say they will for sure die with X amount of pills…they always come back talking about how they will never try killing themselves again. Save yourself the time and give the idea up now and save your health.
Fight for what you have in this life
Yeah… rage from cannabis is not normal.
The rage problem is most likely an underlying character flaw, which is more easily triggered during altered states, and probably not just from cannabis.
I have what i would call “a lot of experience” with cannabis, and have observed countless others enjoying the great herb, with little or no issue.
The common issues are over-consumption and low self-control. Some people just can’t handle themselves, and will “run with” whatever emotion(s) occur during intoxication. Usually that is a sense of ease and wonderment, and sometimes a sense of excitement. Usually when someone gets all excited and acts foolish, it’s in a very similar way to how a child will play intensely with help from their not-yet-restrained imaginations. This is usually just because they feel good, both mentally and physically, and the sense of elevation reminds them of that time in childhood, when they felt free and playful, so they “run with it,” and act in ways you wouldn’t expect an adult to act; this is usually entirely harmless, with the few exceptions of prankish hijinks.
I’ve seen instances where people become paranoid, and act overly-suspicious about every little thing, and this is most likely due to the fact that they know it’s illegal almost everywhere, and they have a sense that they are “doing something wrong,” and so, being more sensitive, as cannabis often causes, they tend to “run with” the tendency to analyze every signal from their environment that could potentially represent an authority approaching, or any other kind of threat.
I’ve also seen at least one person (who was actually a very experienced and responsible user with much discipline, who commonly practiced moderation) have an anxiety attack that was severe enough that we had to call an ambulance. As it turns out, he actually had an underlying anxiety “disorder,” and for whatever reason, the cannabis use triggered it that time, despite his copious previous moderate and responsible cannabis use never having caused a problem.
When i’ve been high and something angers me, i get that sort of floaty, elevated, “i feel good enough to resist this” type of feeling, and it’s easy to just run with it. I also noticed that anything that feels… constricting or stressful or tedious, or perhaps frustrating, like someone speaking down to you full of pretense and disdain, tends to feel far worse than under normal circumstances.
There’s a reason it’s called “harshin’ my buzz.” Because it feels HARSH, and feeling harsh sucks, especially when you’re in the middle of appreciating the positive aspects of cannabis effects.
And so, it kinda makes sense, that if you already have a frustrating situation and an underlying character trait that causes a tendency toward manifesting “counter-aggression” toward anything that seems to be “attacking” or “pressuring” you, that it might just feel “right” in the moment, to let the anger do what it wants, and to sort of “run with it,” because cannabis tends to make using your body and lungs feel good. It also feels good to resist tyranny and oppression and blast-back in the face of imposed pretense… which some women are notorious for casting upon the men who frustrate them.
It’s not that the cannabis is “making you rage,” but rather, it’s making it more difficult for you to choose not to do so, when something encroaches upon your otherwise relaxed and peaceful state. It’s not “making you.” It’s helping you convince yourself to allow a more severe reaction to stimuli… because it feel good to move and shout, when you feel like something’s trying to keep you down. The problem is that you forget, or don’t realize, just how scary that can be, for someone who is physically inferior.
It does somewhat reduce one’s inhibitions… but knowing that and being able to maintain control of yourself, is not just part of being a responsible cannabis user, but also of just being an adult. You gotta control yourself, whether sober, high, drunk, whatever. You gotta control yourself, especially if you’re choosing to consume a substance that alters your mental-state, even if it seems like a rather innocuous and slight alteration.
You can’t “rage in uncontrollable ways” and still expect people to want to be around you. You gotta get to the bottom of what’s going on with that, and try to fix or manage it. Try to consider every difficult situation from all relevant perspectives. But also try not to get carried away and lost in thoughts that don’t produce any discernible advancement.