I have 1.5 mil and i don’t know what to do with it.

You could donate to the “save the clevername fund.” lol.

I would use it to buy the minimum amount of land i could work with, either in colorado, oregon, or washington, and i would build a small/modest “core structure” house, and would equip it with the best and most i could, to make it self-sufficient and capable of sustaining “off the grid.” I would want it to be “modular” to some extent, so that in the event i acquire more resources, i could add rooms, or otherwise expand, or upgrade the integrated systems with which i had equipped it, so that i have my own power, my own water, my own internet node, my own small-time fabrication equipment (drills, saws, 3D printer, etc.), so that i could make things i need.

Once that was completed enough to stabilize, i would spend my days contemplating life, playing video games, conceptualizing and designing things, and taking online courses, learning programming, engineering principles, and essentially acquiring all the knowledge and tools i would need, to make things and people smarter.

I would eventually start my own software “company,” intended to run remotely, so that i could hire coders and engineers from all over the world, and we could just use something like github, so that no one ever has to “go to” work, but can simply work wherever they are, as long as they can upload their work through the internet.

I would be involved in various groups, communities, projects, and would have plenty of reason to remain alive and spread my ideals. I would also be able to help my family, in addition to myself. I would also be able to afford to see some doctors, who may or may not be able to help me re-stabilize my body, after almost 2 decades of struggling to keep it together after my first nerve injury in high school (and the few/several since).

I would also LOVE to have a “high-tech” private grow op, and cultivate strictly all-natural, all-organic, seedless kind bud, and to selectively breed for best genetics and desirable hybrids. It’s just that i don’t think there is anywhere to do that “legally,” even though lots of people in certain areas currently do so. Perhaps i could assist with the legalization movement… but that avenue often seems futile. I think we should have a system in place for people to become licensed growers.

Yeah. Me, Me, Me. I don’t care if anyone thinks this is selfish. You can try to help people who want to make things better, or you can waste your time on people who just want free stuff, and will continue on their lemming-like path of mindless consumption and helplessness.

So there ya go. Feel free to do for yourself any and/or all of what i would use that money for, were such resources available to me. I’m sure that amount would be “enough” to give a worthy but disadvantaged person a “fair shot” at making an acceptable life for themselves. But if you spread it around too much, people will buy cheeseburgers and beer and TV’s.

If nothing else, i feel this has been a worthwhile thought exercise.

400 doesn’t always include utilities.

I can’t assume we all have cars (and i hadn’t; obviously, not everyone does), but public transportation is not viable in some places. In fact, it’s non-viable in more places than it is viable.

The fact is that you can’t just not have a car, unless you’re lucky enough to live in a place where that is feasible, which i do not. I can’t be the only one, right?

You can’t expect people to “just accept” that not sleeping is a reasonable requirement, and i know that causes health problems as well. Causing health problems which reduce work viability is not an acceptable or sustainable circumstance. It adds up and catches up and then you need care you can’t afford, and can’t sustain work performance. Even if you’re not actually asleep the whole 8 hours, you might need to lay there for 2 hours before you finally drift off. You might need an hour to get from fully asleep, to fully awake and alert.

Pooping and hygiene includes teeth, showering, drying off… shaving… it’s not unreasonable for 2 hours per day to be spent on the combination of all those tasks. I suppose you could just skip hygiene and save time, but again, the extended result is declining health and discomfort. A more immediate result of not shaving could be getting fired. Shaving costs time and money, especially for someone like me. I didn’t choose to be born with the capacity to grow an epic beard (though i do choose to wear one when allowed), coupled with “weird” grain-direction and skin that flares up like a mofo when i shave. It’s just one more bullshit thing about life.

Sure, some people do “waste” their adolescence… but others are born into families whose choices eliminate better options. What you’re saying amounts to “you screwed up a long time ago and it’s too late to fix it, so too bad.” Some people never learn what it is they’re supposed to do, until they’re already thrust into the non-sustainable real world min-wage scenario. Others are aware, but are prevented from doing so, again, because an adolescent rarely has full control of themselves and their environment.

I was one of those who got screwed over by my parents. I spent the last ~15 years trying to figure out how to fix it, but being trapped in the min-wage cycle, and bombarded by effects caused by other people’s decisions. No, i wasn’t perfect, but if not for the interference of others, i have to think i would have found a way.

Any “large reimbursement” (which is rarely “large”) given to someone trapped in the min-wage cycle, will inevitably be spent on overdue health care or bills. Not everyone can afford to make it check to check, while also putting aside any “savings,” because there is nothing left-over.

My portrayal of the scenario may not be perfect, but is not exactly “extreme.” The portrayal is not what is extreme; the scenario itself, and that we are flung into this with no other option, is what is extreme. I also neglected to add the time-cost and psychological cost of having no other option but to live with people who provide constant stressors, and waiting for people to get out of the way so you can do things you need to do.

If you don’t have enough of the right kinds of nutrition, and are also constantly afflicted by stressors, and often not sleeping enough, and having to work yourself to exhaustion on a daily basis… it won’t work. Your “youth” eventually depletes, and it’s no longer sustainable. If you’re like me, you also have severe reality-based depression, as well as physical difficulties from injuries in the past.

Some people do just need to care more and try harder… but sometimes more effort does not translate to more gains, and some of us never really had the option to succeed, and cannot make it without some sort of help, and that help needs to avail a path toward a better life, to even be valid help. I don’t want help to survive in exactly the same miserable way that i have this whole time. That’s part of the problem. If i know it will never get any better, even at maximum sustained effort, then there is no reason to try, and no genuine motivation. There is no discernible gain that is possible from valiantly enduring perpetual pain.

What is the point of busting ass just to barely survive, just so that i can hate my job and go home to sit alone in my empty room each day? The only “point” is that i wanted to live a life, but i can’t, because i am a modern slave. At least, i was, until i broke down and couldn’t get back up again, but allowed myself to receive life-support from the few who would prefer i stay alive.

The point remains: $1k/mo is not enough. 40+ hours a week is too much. I realize “that’s what other people do,” and “that’s what’s expected,” but that is not acceptable or correct, to me, it does not “work” for me, and i cannot live that way. I cannot fit myself into that mold anymore, though i did try, and gave it all i had, for a long time. That’s how i know it doesn’t work for me. I can keep trying to find a better way, or i can just die. It /does/ matter to me… but it seems there is no other option than suicide, and so i have spent a long time trying to prepare myself for what feels like a compulsory decision. It’s “the least bad thing,” rather than “the most good thing.” I’m tired of life being all about choosing the least bad thing. I’ve been stuck on defense like that my whole life, and not through my own choosing, but because there was no other choice. Those other choices were eliminated by the actions that others were motivated to choose.

If you want to talk extremes, let’s talk about people who spend $50/wk on fast-food for lunch, or buy/drink a gallon of beer every day, or always have to have the latest iphone or the newest game. People who go to bars, ffs. Movie theaters are almost as bad. People flip out when they don’t have or can’t do those things… but all i want is a chance to make my life better… and “the math” says it’ll never happen. If i could isolate myself from the effects of others’ choices, i could probably make things happen. But isolation requires resources, in order to be useful… and i can’t find a way to acquire enough resources in a short enough time, to make it work. I think that’s one of the core issues about why people give up. They lack access to what is required to make things better… and it’s often not their choice.

Whatever you want to do with your resources is up to you. I just sometimes feel compelled to make points and express what i think and how i feel about what i’m going through. I like to share my experiences and perspectives, both so that i can feel like i said something about my struggles, and also for others to perhaps learn something or maybe avoid some of the things i learned the hard way. I’m not really saying “you should give me your money.” But if you said “here, make something happen…” i wouldn’t be able to refuse. I’ve always wanted to make it on my own… and i’ve always felt… weird… about accepting help from anyone… but at some point i had to realize that sometimes it’s better to receive valid help, if offered, and try to make it count, than to pride myself into the ground. It’s just that lots of times, “help” is offered with strings attached… and most of the time those strings haven’t been worth it.

Still, i feel like i’ve portrayed myself as “arguing for a handout,” which wasn’t my intention, and feels… icky, i guess. lol.

I think you should do whatever you think you should do. If that helps me, then cool. You’re certainly not obligated to do so.

@AtTheEnd:

Well, the point is that parents are responsible for preparing their offspring for the real world. If they do not do this, and if they make choices to prevent that offspring from being able to be independent and self-sufficient… then every problem after that is a result of that individual not being prepared. Being in this system unprepared, is certainly not the offspring’s fault. The offspring does not necessarily get to select with choices are available to choose from. People make mistakes, yes, and we should all take responsibility for our choices, actions, intentions, and motivations… but sometimes only the only available choices are “mistakes” of differing degrees. If you go through life making the least-bad mistakes, because that’s the best thing available to choose… then you have a life of mistakes behind you, because nothing better was available. If someone always does their best, but “best” means “least bad thing,” then how can you blame them? It’s not as though people /want/ to do “the least bad thing they can do,” instead of “what’s best,” it’s that far too often, only “least bad things” are available.

If we’re being realistic, there are problems that can be and are caused, by parents, early in life, which can be said to “ruin” the future for their offspring. The parents don’t choose everything either… but anyone who has kids needs to realize the weight of their choices, and that if you don’t make sure your offspring have what they need, when they need it, you will almost literally be “ruining” their lives… unless those offspring turn out to be some of the lucky ones who end up with access to “what’s best” choices, instead of being stuck with only “least bad” things possible to choose.

I don’t think any one single person is ever “to blame” for anything. I just think that it’s easier to go ahead and blame one person, instead of understanding why people do what they do, and why certain options are only available to certain people.

I disagree with the idea that “i’m blaming the parents.” But who else is to blame for the parents actions and choices? Certainly not myself. Perhaps we should blame the grandparents as well? And the great-grandparents? I think that “we” (humanity) have gradually, through the generations, incrementally created this world, as well as the incompatibilities which manifest.

And i totally understand, it is indeed tiring to think about and verbalize.