Just One Day Left

hi. i’ve read your other posts, and i’m a little annoyed that you’ve been locked up for your actions, but there was no mention about your family being concerned about them. i wonder if they’d even notice if you went missing. psychiatric drugs are friggin’ addictive, and while you’ll feel kinda normal while taking them, the moment you stop you’ll crash. it’s not a smart path to take; the US is just a “quick fix” place anyway. yeah people say you can make it through but if the chances of continuing to go downhill are greater than things improving then i’d rather just not continue to live. my depression is more of an emptiness, so i’ve only worked up myself enough to attempt suicide once. but still, i get what’s going on.

@Procel I’ve been to a bunch of therapists, they all tell me to just keep going, to raise my grades and achieve my goals and stuff. they tell me to just bear with what’s going on and that it’ll stop. no reason why, no methods for how to improve my motivation at all other than, “if you start on something you’ll be motivated.” same thing for all of them. i’ve tried, and it just doesn’t work. it makes you feel worse, like you’re an incurable case.

you mentioned earlier that you wouldn’t overdose ever again, but that seems like your plan now. though if you can find a way to cut off the blood flow in the carotid artery, you’ll go unconscious in seconds (hence the sleeper hold was made). if you can keep yourself that way it’ll be relatively painless. it’s on the right side of your neck right under the jaw; you’ll feel a really noticeable pulse if you press on it.