My Never Ending Story

My names Jillian, i’m 15 years old, and here’s my story, i decided to share the truth.
My first school ever was Green Way Elementary, the first day of school was OK, until i started showing up at school looking all gross and ugly… It’s because when i was younger i lived with my parents, but then they split up because things weren’t working out for them, i seen them fight all the time, i stayed with my dad for a bit because my mom moved away with her girlfriend, while i was staying with my dad he liked to have friends over and drink a lot… I was trying to fall asleep but the music was to loud then one of his friends came in my room when i was trying to sleep, he closed the door and he sexually abused me… I felt really gross and disgusting after that then i was non-stop crying because i was ashamed of myself. I got taken away by C.F.S for at least a week or two, when i got back i had to stay at my aunties house, because i had no where to go… I got abused there and i had to stay in the basement all the time, when i went to school looking how i did i would have to lie about stuff and tell C.F.S i was really enjoying it there, or else… I wanted to say the truth so bad, but i was too scared of what will happen to me. Everybody just gave me dirty looks all the time. I got beat up in 2nd grade by 2 girls Joyce and Monica, then everyone thought it was funny, i was so embarrassed i didn’t go to school at all. Then i got to live with my mom, so I switched schools and I went to Sister Mac Namara, i thought maybe if i went to a different school and lived with my mom things would be better… I guess not, i had 2-3 friends max Caylin, Zuhura, and Jasmine. I don’t think any of them liked each other but we all hung out at times together during our recess times i mostly hung out with Jasmine but we would get into fights same with Zuhura also. So I always decided to hang out with Caylin, we would… There we’re these girls, Allison, Kimberly, and Lara, for some reason they have seemed to hate me and Caylin, they would pick on us all the time and name call they’d call us fat, ugly, stupid, etc. I tried hanging out with Allison and Kimberly before but they just used me to here each others gossip then they became friends and told each other everything which didn’t help at all. So then I had Caylin by my side and we stuck together through good and bad, Graduation Day came, I was excited because i thought maybe if i went to a better/different school things would be different, they we’re until 7th Grade, some girl Montana messaged me on Facebook and she wanted to fight me because someone told her i was talking shit about her, which was wrong because i barely knew her. I wasn’t to sure if people disliked me or not it seemed it though because i got dirty looks. 8th Grade, was not that bad. 9th Grade, Caylin and i got into a few arguments on Facebook which led to drama, massive drama, it felt like i was losing all my friends and they we’re sticking with her. One day there was this new guy in our class, I liked him… and so did she and other girls. I wasn’t at school for a few days, then when i came back i found out she was dating him, which got me mad because she knew i liked him but so did other girls. That began to go into a fight, the someone messaged me on Facebook and said i wouldn’t be able to get him anyways because i was too fat and he would be better off with her, which i agree because i know i am. Then me and Caylin got into more, more and more arguments i started called her nasty names and so did she. Then one day i went to school and thought everything was good it seemed like it then as me, Jericka, Sandra, and Caylin and some girl named Bridgette were in the bathroom Bridgette punched me in the face and she wanted a picture of it as well, i’m pretty sure she got one also, none of them helped me or stood up for me, but of course they claimed they never saw it happen, which i thought was total bullshit. And again more arguments with Caylin, i never really knew what for but i led it on because i was so raged. I went to my last period class and then as i was walking to the office i saw Caylin with her boyfriend Rob and 6 other girls, she confronted me in the hall i just ignored her and walked away into the office then as i was leaving the school she was there then the worlds most longest confrontation happened then at least a quarter of the school was there watching with there iPod’s/iPhone’s pulled out and she was confronting me i never said anything at the time, but ”I’m not fighting you”, then a few girls tied her hair up and got her ready to fight, i felt upset because there was nobody there to help me or to stick up for me they were all on her side, then a few people in the background kept yelling ”C’mon Caylin, just punch her already” ”throw a shot” ”hurry up and hit her”, then my teacher came he tried to stop it but it still went on, i was so embarrassed because half of the people or almost all of the people i knew were there watching it happen. The police came and everybody left and they were talking to me, i never told them anything because i was to scared too. All of those people came running around the side and waited at the other door, then the principle came too, and brought me to the office and drove me home. I went on Facebook and got a lot of new messages, they were from the people who we’re at the Confrontation, and they said things like ”Scared ***** can’t handle your shit” ”Don’t start it if you can’t finish it” ”hahaha lowlife” ”weak-ass shook ugly *****, finish it next time or don’t talk shit at all”, I started crying and cutting myself, really deep and a lot. Then everybody thought i got beat up by her… I was so embarrassed i tried to kill myself over the summer because they we’re still laughing about it, but i had failed at it… Somehow a few people found out about it and i got more messages on Facebook saying ”faaaaaaaail!!!” ”you’re so fucking stupid for trying hahha” ”wooow lol” etc. But not once did i receive a message asking if i was OK… I had failed all of my classes, this year i had to repeat Grade.9 again, second Semester i passed Social Studies but failed all the other classes and now i’m doing them again… This year when i received my report card i knew i’d be repeating Gym, Geography, English, and Science again. I’m too embarrassed to go to school next year because it will be my 3rd time taking those courses again.. I don’t ever remember passing a class in my life. I’m diagnosed with Depression, occasionally seeing my Social Worker and Therapist. Suicidal, and i have Anxieties… I still cut myself, people laugh and think i’m stupid when i mention suicide on Facebook… I’m insecure. I’m slowly losing friends for some reason, i argue with people everyday on Facebook, I used to get a message a day by some girl named Amber saying ”Kill yourself already you worthless piece of shit go die on the streets” kind of messages. I cry every night think i’m a big joke, I just don’t know what to do anymore i feel powerless and incomplete and i feel so alone… Now you know the real me, and now you know my name and my story!