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That and 50c will get you a cup of coffee

by cyanidesofmarch

I know how to fix my problems. I’ve even written out, step-by-step, how to beat this thing. But every time I look at my to-do list, I’m overcome with a sense of “why bother?” and I’ve never been able to answer that question.

Even worse, the things on my list, while being relatively simple, are very painful for me (such as calling people on the phone). So we have no motivation plus absolute dread of the task.

For what? So that some day I can look back on my life and say that I survived?
That and 50c will get you a cup of coffee.

Totally random video that oddly tells the story of my life

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lorax 8/31/2013 - 12:08 pm

That, “why bother,” feeling is what I get whenever confronted by stuff I’ve got to do, too. Once I get some traction on things, it starts to feel more like accomplishments than futile and pointless tasks, though, and I’ve experienced it enough to be able to predict it before even starting on a list-item. The only items I consistently and thoroughly have trouble with are pretty much anytihng that requires that I call lots of people and/or wait in many long lines for what appears to be no good reason (DMV/BMV and stuff like that). I must have a more severe case of ADHD than I thought because I cannot, cannot, cannot stand in long lines without going stir-crazy. 😐

Roak 8/31/2013 - 12:40 pm

Video made me laugh 🙂

I have less of a Why bother problem and more that everything feels insurmountable. I’ve been told to try to break down a big task into all the little things that you need to get it done.. try not to see the big picture and just tunnel vision your way through it.

Still doesn’t work though… it’s like i have a mental block when it comes to volition and planning.

@lorax
Tried music and books for lines? I think too much when commuting and i find i can focus on other things and distract myself.

lorax 8/31/2013 - 12:44 pm

Yeah, that’s usually what I do – bring a good book with me and just sit there reading it for a while, but I get all absurdly overfocused and wind up still sitting there even after the clerk has called my number, so the adventure just keeps going and going… lol

cyanidesofmarch 9/1/2013 - 6:41 am

DMV lines… now there’s a torture worse than thumbscrews.

I do know the feeling of getting traction, then plowing through life on sheer momentum. But for me it’s so easy to knock that feeling down and revert to “why bother”. The ratio of uptime to downtime is like 1 to 20. I can’t see any sort of productive live coming from this.

@Roak Yeah sometimes it helps to create what I call a “micro to-do list” which has things like (1) get out of bed (2) brush your teeth (3) drink unhealthy amounts of coffee (etc). But eventually it comes to the unpleasant stuff, and there’s no way to make it seem any less painful, insurmountable and pointless.

I like that video too. Probably spent the better part of an hour watching it over & over. Well there’s an hour of life avoided. How many more…?

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