The enigma we call life

It hurts the way you ignore me
You put me on the edge hoping i drift away from you
Im always with you,
My only regret in life was sharing something beautiful with you.
You betrayed me let me fall and rust and disintegrate.
Now im dead, not in body but soul
I will hunt your conscience for the things you did, and for the things
you didnt.

Do you know how it feels to disintegrate over several years of pain and suffering?
Now im empty, filled only with the pain of old and new. My destiny seems to be
pain.crying.anxiety.hate.regret.suicide. Today,tomorrow,forever.
The pain fill my bones and float in my blood. The pain follows me forever.
Thanks to you.

Unability to speak out when you should. You do lie, curse, hate
and dont care who`s feelings gets hurt. But you never defended me when i was
Beaten down upon, you frowned upon me called me unnormal and said that i needed
help. I did need help. But you never gave it. Never. Your lack of engagment
in my life caused it to disapear from me. You decided to be a coward
that hides behind their words.

I will take what honor and self esteem i have left to the grave. At least there
may my memory rest in peace. I surrender now. I admit it. I never did before.
Now i do. Not because im weaker than before, im stronger than ever.
Now i dare believe and see the world for what it really is. Surrender yourself
is the only way to acept that life is what it is.
I´ve endured so much pain. So much suffering, i never had enough in my life.
I was told i needed more friends, while the few friends i had was the only ones
that understood and talked to me. But they falled away from me too, like everything
else. Now its time. Not later. Not before. But now.
Life is merely a cancer that grows around death.
To grow free from the cancer,you must cut it off.
Only then are you truly free and complete. We are not born to live.
We are born to die. From the first breath to the last, every heartbeat leads you
to the ultimate end. No one cares about no one anymore. Tell the truth:
Would you trade a life full of suffering so someone else could live better?
If you answer yes then you lie. Hide behind ignorance. If you said no, congrats
you talk the truth. No one would do that. The emptiness of life is staggering
to say the least. What do you really have thats good? Happiness? How long does
it last and why? Nothing´s forever least enough happiness. The only happiness that
is true is the short lived one. And that never lasts. People around you will smile
even though its not true. Like i´ve done, Like You done. Why do we do it?
Do we really care that much what people see us do that we bullshit,lie,steal,kill,
fuck,betray, and hurt them so we may feel better about ourselves? This is what
society´s coming too, and i for one, wouldn´t wanna live in a world like that
if i had a choice. But i dont have a choice.
Im forced to live this enigma we call life every day. But i wont take this shit
anymore.