I few days ago I had a meeting with my doctor an psychiatrist, and my doctor was like: “Oh, and ofcourse next week thursday is your leaving date.” Just in middle of the conversation, and I was like: “What??!! O.o” because it wasn’t the plan, we would discuss about what next, staying longer in the psychiatric hospital or getting therapy, on next week tuesday, and he already made a discision, which he would not change clearly. They had the plan to send me home with no therapy, while I still need help, and I wrote a poem about it, because I waa really confused and down of that news. I wanted to share it with you:
Why do you always underestimate my problems?
I never exaggerate,
but you still underestimate my problems.
You won’t truly help me.
You just want to please me.
Don’t you get it?
I’m a girl,
who’s feeling sad and lonely,
She sees no other option than dying,
she’s fed up.
She has a lot of problems,
she doesn’t go to school because she can’t handle it,
because she’s always stressed.
She’s getting mad on the smallest things,
because her body is full of anger.
She’s not enjoying her life,
because she’s depressed.
She ruined her body,
because she self-harm,
it’s the only way she knows how to cope with her problems.
She has a trauma,
which she can’t handle.
She has constantly flashbacks,
that are driving her crazy.
She is wearing a mask,
that hides her true story,
because she doesn’t want to annoy anyone.
She has a voice in her head that commands her,
telling her to do things she doesn’t want to do.
She can’t trust anyone completely,
even not herself,
because people have misused her trust too many times,
people have damaged her trust.
But no one really seems to understand,
how worse her problems are,
how much she’s hurting.
She really wants to get better,
she really wants to do her best,
but she can’t do it on her own,
but no one will help her,
or they underestimate her problems,
or they can’t help her.
Her problems are worser than you think,
but you won’t believe it,
because you are just naive and you believe her outside,
which is just one huge acting.
She wished that someone would really understand her,
and won’t underestimate her.
She needs help,
she can’t do this on her own,
she is too weak to solve all her problems on her own.
She needs help,