I have been clean for 10 weeks, which is a tremendous achievement for me, as I’ve never gone for this long.
The only thing that comes with this, however, is the overwhelming urges, especially at this time, when emotional release is important right now. I struggle to find any other forms of emotional release, I really struggle.
I am receiving my exam result in a few days, and if I fail it will affect me hugely, I would’ve let down my parents, who have held me a high standard I have enjoyed working towards, but the pressure is immense now.
I am also caught in the decision of moving 300 miles from my current home, back to my fathers. If I do, I get the opportunity to go to a fantastic school and get away from here, I don’t really like it, and haven’t for 3 years.
If I stay, I don’t disappoint my friends whom I care for. My mother would hate me if I leave. I guess the bullying can’ be much worse than it is now, moving would take me away from the judgement and ‘just-joking’ constantly. It seems I would rather take my own life than endure this decision.
These things going through my head are very triggering and difficult. I can’t talk to people, if anyone know of a safe emotional release, I would love to hear of it, thanks.
1 comment
10 weeks without any sort of accident is always great to hear and I commend you on your progress (I was doing alright myself until I dun goofed and slipped up, but that’s beside the point).
What normally helps me is writing. Writing in a journal, or burning things. No, not like that, but writing down what’s bothering me on a sheet of paper and just… Burning it into the wind. That seems to help me a lot…
Don’t stress yourself too much, love. Your parents can deal with it if you didn’t pass your exams. You tried your best and they should be happy for you and supportive of you regardless. That’s what parents are for, right? Unless I didn’t get the memo.
Do what you know is best for you. Do what makes you happy, okay?
Be safe, and I hope things look up from here.