I feel sick. Physically sick. I want to run to the bathroom and eject all of my insides. I want to eject my heart out of my throat just to know I still have one. I want to eject my life out and watch it fade into a mist in the air as my empty body collapses to ashes in the grass. And mentally sick. I’m crying. But I don’t know why. I want to talk to someone. But even the people I love and trust I can’t open up to. I just can’t.
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I didn’t plan on reading this post, only the first few words. In just the first few sentences I related so much to what you are saying, I couldn’t stop. I understand how you’re feeling, because it’s the same for me. I don’t have much advice, if I did I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling the same way you do, but just know that you are not alone.
Well thanks. I mean, it never makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone, but I know you mean well by it.
I don’t even need to know your real name, I’m here to listen
I really appreciate it.. It’s just this sick feeling in my gut keeps reminding me of throwing up in the hospital and both of my brothers reactions to it. I think the hardest part about wanting to go through with it again is knowing I couldn’t see my brothers that way again..
I know the feeling, siblings seeing you at your worst can make you feel so much worse about doing it in front of them
My youngest brother is my biggest reason why I’m still here. I’m moving away for college in a month and I’m so scared of being away from him. He’s so sensitive and I see so much of myself in him and I don’t want him doing what I did.
Keep on going, things can get better and youd never know that i youre dead, your brothers need you
stay strong and be good to yourself. i know its overwhelming sometimes but the effort will be worth it..u gotta push yourself.
I just feel like I keep pushing and go nowhere though. Neither of my parents really made much of their lives and it feels like I’m just doomed to follow in line. I keep trying but I try so hard it’s exhausting and I keep losing my motivation
keeping motivation is the hardest thing to do when you feel as if you have nothing to live for. you have to give yourself a reason to live. i know the feeling of going in circles and ending up at the exact same spot, but that is no reason to give up, that is why u are still here, u want to better yourself.
The thing is its not myself I have a problem with, I love who I am actually, it’s everything around me that hurts. All I see is people hurting themselves.. Whether they’re smoking or drinking or cutting or anything. My aunt died at 36 from smoking and drugs. It was a year after I moved. I was 6. We took in 5 of my cousins in a 2 bedroom home. Ill never smoke a cigarette in my life. It hit me so hard. But where I live, I know people who started smoking at age 6. I had friends in middle school who were good, didn’t get into that kind of stuff, and then they shunned me because one of them said I was bipolar. I almost failed senior year. But the 3 of them managed a 4.0 one of them even got over that. I despise them for it. The world disgusts me. And idk how to handle it.
yes the world is an ugly place but it doesn’t mean you should be taking it out on yourself. you have to put yourself first before anything, and make sure you leave all of those other problems out of your life because they aren’t your problems. dont compare yourself to anyone either. im sure ur a great person! dont give yourself less than you deserve!
I try putting myself first so much, it just gets lonely sometimes because for me it means always being alone. I like to be physically active, it makes me happy. But I have no physically active friends. So, I do it alone. And it’s that way with everything. So eventually I get sick of being alone and I socialize with the people who are willing to talk to me. But that only consists of stoners and rebel children. And just seeing how they love makes me feel depressed. It brings back bad memories. I just wish I had someone aside from myself to help motivate me, so I didn’t have to be so alone in everything I do
Just because your parents didnt make much of themselves doesn’t mean you can’t, my parents never even finished high school and I graduated, and clearly you did too and you’re going to college to make something of yourself, just keep in touch with your little brother call him often and let him know he’s not alone
I hardly made it through high school. I didn’t plan on graduating even. It wasn’t until the 2nd to last day I found out I could graduate. And I shouldn’t have really. I manipulated my counselor into disregarding a class that I failed in order to have enough credits. I’m scared I won’t do well in college. I’m going into a competitive field. If I don’t get into the program after 2.5 years or pre reqs, idk what else I can do. I won’t be able to afford to start all over
Then study your ass off, put more hours into it, you graduated and that’s what matters, get out there and take that spot in collage because it belongs to you
“Neither of my parents really made much of their lives and it feels like I’m just doomed to follow in line.”
It’s not easy to be a pioneer. Your parents didn’t have what it took to set you up for success, so you’ll have to find a way to do that for yourself. It’s going to be harder for you, than for a lot of other people… but just because your parents didn’t make much of themselves, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to do the same. It just means you have a greater challenge to overcome. You have to finish raising yourself. You have to do for yourself, what your parents couldn’t. And don’t think it’s because they just didn’t care, or didn’t want to. They probably also had a preparation deficit. That’s why it is so imperative that you overcome the obstacles created by that passed-down preparation deficit. You have to overcome that, pioneer your own elimination of that inherited preparation deficit, or you won’t be prepared to live the life you want.
Drop everything that is not helping you reach your goals, learn to spot “time-thieves” as far away as possible, and avoid anything that might derail you from your intended path. Some things might come along that you can’t avoid, but that’s just life. Do your best to maintain, and don’t let anything get in your way, unless it’s something you actually want to encounter.
Someday, if you stay the course fiercely enough, you should find yourself in control of your own life, your own future, and with the ability to select what you will or won’t allow in your own environment… and then you don’t have to worry about being surrounded by stuff you don’t want in your life.