my mommy

so i cut my first time yesterday night while listening to werewolves by cocorosie. i can handle havin all the effects tht comes wit chrons. ive adapted to tht, i never had to resolve to cuttin. it was my mom tht pushed me over. who would of thought, the person whos suppose to love u the most, based simply on the act tht u shared a body for 9 months. it was her, the mom whos not a mom. the one who said i had an attitude, tht i only think, only care about myself. tht im selfish and worthless, all i see is me. tht hurts shes my mommy, how could she act like tht to me? she called me her baby, now all of a sudden i come home n theres disgust in her eyes. wat did i do wrong? im in all honors and AP classes, i play sports, and im in orchestra. i never did drugs, ive never been drunk. i could see if i was some delinquent but im not, i strive to be good. why i she treatin me as such? she made me pull apart my shaving razor and cut my body. maybe it wasnt her fault, maybe its my own because i couldnt handle it. it was too much to handle, too much wen u think shes ur protector. the protector appears to be the bad man. cutting wasnt so hard. press, glide. but wat scares me is tht i think shes goin crazy. my gma was just officially diagnosed as bein so. i kno its hit her. 16 years of smokin pot 5 times a day killed all her brain cells. talkin to her is like talkin to someone wit amnesia. and then she takes everythin out on me, like i am the cause for these tings. i have so much goin on tht havin her against me was too much for me to handle. im not strong no more. i dnt think im goin to survive anymore.