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um, rant.

by 1298

feeling completely hopeless and terrified.

recently i haven’t been feeling suicidal but the future just looks so bleak

today all i could see was black i just idk it’s happened before i mean i never thought i would be here in the first place so i guess it will be okay but i just really don’t know how right now

becauseeeee i’m going to be homeless by the end of may… and i really need to figure that out. it’s just a scary prospect i guess.

sorry, just ranting.

also i’m really tired of people being so fucking stupid.

but also had a pretty good day today.

lol

i need help

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rach 9/23/2013 - 11:16 pm

The thought of being homeless is horrifying. Especially if you live in a place that gets extremely cold as I do. I am disabled my parents are doing my caretaking for now. But homelessness is always a risk. If they die before me I will be greatly at risk. I don’t have much in life but I’ve got a warm bed and food. I’m glad I have those things. I get a few small jobs in the neighborhood that I can do physically like plant watering. I never turn down a “job offer” but of course I cannot support myself on a dollar here, a dollar there.

So what makes you sure that you’ll be homeless? Are you looking for jobs?

1298 9/23/2013 - 11:28 pm

wow i’m really sorry, i kind of just meant i won’t have a place to live. and i can’t go home, reasons for which are a bit complicated. but yeah i can easily get a job doing something and i would never have any real reason to be homeless. i guess i’m just scared about the future because i don’t actually know what i want, and i don’t even know how to figure it out

it’s amazing how grateful you are; i’m curious about your disability, but I don’t want to pry. Do you have any other family/friends besides your parents?

rach 9/24/2013 - 12:14 am

What’s your skill set or special interests? I think its best to move towards those things that compel you and away from things that disinterest. May be helpful to take the MBTI personality test which can help you get an idea of how your particular mind is hardwired, strengths and weakensses:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

My disability is on the extreme end of the spectrum. It is a genetic defect (won’t say specifically as it is very rare in the world and want to be anonymous on SP). My mom carries it and has the disease in a much less severe manner. I inherited the extreme. I have abnormalities with some of my organs including brain, malformation of my face, abnormal and uncomfortable skin, and lack ability for digesting food. Most of the time I am in bed as I have very little energy but I can walk a little ways. Pretty much on my own. Parents did not want a disabled child and people do not want to be friends with someone “impaired”

1298 9/24/2013 - 2:21 am

That’s true. I have some sort of plan I guess, the only problem is most of the time all I feel is… well, worthless i guess, and don’t actually really find joy in anything or i guess find the same joy in everything? maybe that’s not true, idk. i’m going to keep going no matter what, though, and i feel horrible even for complaining because i am actually incredibly lucky. i can’t imagine living with your disability, but it sounds to me like you make the most of what you have, which is good… and i can understand i guess if you don’t get much opportunity to meet people with it, but it’s not true that no one wants to be friends with someone “impaired.” maybe your parents did not actively seek out a child with a disability but you are unique in the way you handle that and you sound like a really caring/intelligent person to me so i’m sure your parents are proud of who you are and obviously love you if they are taking care of you

smusmu 9/24/2013 - 2:27 am

Rach I admire you. You are a bigger person. Respect!

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