I have a few things that make me feel ok; cutting, drugs, risky behaviour. The thing i want help with is my cravings for sexual attention … since i was about 7 i wanted sexual attention particularly with older men its escalated now to where even with a loving boyfriend i constantly want to sleep around. I get that whole feeling from being wanted but im too sad and ‘crazy’ for anyone but my boyfriend. I associate a lot of unhealthy things with sex and pleasure such as violence and submission i often ask my bf to hit and abuse me during sex or as foreplay i like being used and abused and i love the feeling of being held afterward while i shake and hurt. I get mad if he doesn’t want to have sex and plummet into depressed moods. I want a partner as sexual as i am but all ive been told is that my sexual schema / behaviour is fucked up and without my bf i’d drown. I ask about threesomes and stuff but it hurts my bf and he often says i make him feel like shit with my constant demands for sex or affection. I have wanted to kill myself based on my belief that nobody will ever be able to care for me the way i feel i need caring for. Does anyone else deal in thismanner? Should i cease my relationship with my bf for casual sex or is he my only hope for true affection?
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Were you sexually abused or molested as a child? I’ve never heard of a child that young craving sex unless something happened to them….
Have you cheated on him yet? I say “yet” because it sounds like that’s where you are headed….if all you want is sex then there are plenty of men that will gladly give it to you….However you need to realize the male organ isn’t built for repeated use back to back to back…contrary to popular belief too much sex is a bad thing….especially for men…
“I have wanted to kill myself based on my belief that nobody will ever be able to care for me the way i feel i need caring for”…….. umm…. why can’t you care for yourself the way you feel you need to be cared for? nobody knows you better than you….
It sounds to me like you suffer from, Borderline Personality Disorder. If in fact you were molested or raped at a young age (I was) it might explain some of the things you are wanting to act out.
It is normal to want attention or have attraction towards older men. I think, it’s even more common if you don’t have a good relationship with your father or the man that was suppose to be a father figure in your life.
Sex feels good and you may be craving that high sex can bring you/orgasm. You shouldn’t leave your boyfriend just because he doesn’t want to have sex 24/7. But, you have to decide if you can live without your boyfriend being in your life.
Casual sex is something I’ve thought about. I think there isn’t really any harm in having a “casual” sex phase. So long as you use protection and don’t get pregnant.
I’m not sure how young you are, but I would suggest perhaps taking a break from your boyfriend, talking to a professional who deals with Borderline Personality Disorder and give yourself a chance to find other options and avenues available to you.
Do whatever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt the people that mean the most to you. If that makes sense.
@ lonelycat,
Seems to me that your early sexual experiences occurred in violent situations. You crave intimacy but feel that you must suffer first in order to earn it.
I can understand your desire for submission-but I think Quotheraven has it right. I’d also suggest seeing a therapist about your difficulties in relationships.
I wouldn’t want to see you lose your relationship then get smacked around by a bunch of men who can’t satisfy that need for security and affection that you seem to deeply desire.
Do keep in mind that you can be loved without having to be abused first. As for threesomes, well I’m pretty open-minded about sex but I don’t know if I’d like to share my gf with another man….another woman is no problem for me.
Thankyou for the responses, I wasn’t abused as a child but have had that asked of me way too much, my bfs mum is a councillor and has asked him more than once if things happened to me young.
I don’t know about borderline personality disorder…that sounds extreme but I need some sort of reason behind this as I don’t know what to do I feel overwhelmed.
My psychologist left a few months ago and I haven’t seen another one despite being urged to by everyone. I don’t really like talking about sex with my doctors becausde i feel lke I am too young to be wanting the kind of sick things i want…
Is 7 really bad? I thought it was normal to want attention at that age?
Regular attention is normal….wanting sexual attention isn’t normal at all
Borderline Personality Disorder –
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001931/#adam_000935.disease.symptoms
Symptoms:
Persons with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. As a result, their interests and values can change rapidly. They also tend to view things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people can change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Other symptoms of BPD include:
Intense fear of being abandoned
Cannot tolerate being alone
Frequent feelings of emptiness and boredom
Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
Impulsiveness, such as with substance abuse or sexual relationships
Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing
Hope that helps you. It can be scary to find out that you may be Borderline but don’t be so caught up in labels. Just focus on getting help.
i have same sexual attentions as you have and i want wild sexual relations and i go mad while thinking about sex i wish you and i would be in relationship … 🙁
you may contact me anytime