Teenage Mood Swings

“Although depression can occur at any age, it affects teens more than younger children. Depressive symptoms may start appearing around age 13, and often peaks between 16 and 24. Yet depression can be difficult to diagnose in young people, because symptoms seldom involve mood alone. One study concluded that fewer than half of teen patients suffered mainly from depressive symptoms. More often, they developed a mix of mood and behavioral problems, for example, agitation, anxiety, attention difficulties, or defiant behaviors.”
© 1998-2013 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved

I’ve always thought about death. I’ve always had a fear of death, just resting in the back of my mind, and it always had a way of sneaking up on me before bedtime. When my mind was free to think, it thought about the purpose of life, the reason we wake up every morning. Hitting my teenage years, I came to realize there was no purpose.

Thinking back to my early adolescent years(Age 11-13), I was very nihilistic, and had lost all, if any, sense of who I was. I was trapped in a melancholic aura of depersonalization.

I will always a remember pricking my middle finger with a needle, without any intention, when I was 11. Blood began pouring out of my finger in a fine, warm, dark red stream. I had finally found something fascinating in my insipid, dull life. Since then, I have never looked at a sharp object the same again. Every knife, every pair of scissors came with a feeling I can only describe as sedation.

When I hit 7th grade, my mental health had severely plummeted. I was staying home every weekend, listening to dismal music, and bawling my eyes out in bed for hours at a time. Why was I doing this? It had hit me life was pointless, and nothing mattered anymore.

Grade 9, I moved to a new state, left my one best friend behind, and proceeded to have fits of anxiety and a constant disgruntled feeling. I had no interest in other human beings. I thought of every person around me as meaningless, stupid matter who do nothing to benefit to the world. (I won’t even go on about our world’s man-made pollution)The first day of school was new, and a little exciting, but I soon realized I was surrounded by idiots. Peers? These self-obsessed, uneducated little kids angered me everyday. I came home everyday, wishing I could run away from this hell forsaken place.

I no longer had a fear of death.

Grade 10, I am beginning to think about who I am, as apposed to the world overall. I still have depersonalization with me, but I am trying to change the lives of people around me. I believe everyone deserves Life, Liberty, Happiness, and Respect, in order to make a change in our dying world. I still think of suicide often, I have many months of crippling suicidal ideation, but at least before I go, I can say I tried.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is life is short and may seem meaningless, but while we’re here, why not try to work on helping yourself and others to happiness? Why not hold that elevator door open, and ask the other person how they are doing? Why not see a therapist? Even if you just have a temporary problem, talking to someone and receiving guidance is ALWAYS helpful. Our lives are moving so fast, we are forgetting how important the comfort of others really is.