this has got to end somewhere

I see absolutely no point of being around.I just keep forgetting that and end up backing out of suicide before its to late.I cant keep doing that.Im not meant to be was never meant to be.My oldest sister will be leaving soon off to college i will never hear or see her again.I cant deal with that.
If i continue to live i will be homeless or institutionalized.My best friend says shell take care of me but she cant take care of herself let alone can i.I dont know how to survive this world.I cant survive this world.Ive thought of seeing if i can hang myself tonight dont know if ill do it but id sure like to.Overdosing has failed me i will have to figure out some other way.Theres got to be another way cause this simply will not do.I love my family but i cant keep scaring them with failed attempts.Theres got to be an end to all this a way out.I cant go back to the mental hospital either.They just like to inject with psych meds then send you home half suicidal.When my mom leaves i will see if i can hang myself.If not then on friday ill drink a bottle of pinesole and say goodnight