I got a second job. Overnight. 11-7.
I already have one job. It’s spread out across the daytime during the week.
I am going to college three days of the week.
I have to do this to fix my car. I have to do this because no one else will take initiative in this house. I am the only one making an attempt to save our asses and keep us financially safe. That’s not how relationships work though. They shouldn’t have to work like that. I also asked that since I’ll be working two jobs and going to school, that you catch up on the housework in return for me busting my butt. I left you with one chore: Fold the laundry. It got halfway done and I came home to find you sitting and playing videogames. How fair is that? I need a man in my life. Not a child.
But I can’t leave you without leaving myself behind, too.
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“But I can’t leave you without leaving myself behind, too.”
Not to sound diminishing, but… people do it all the time. It happens every day. Critical mass is reached and a decision must be made. Ultimatums are issued and new rules declared.
Laundry isn’t difficult, and shouldn’t be a big deal.
Then again, sometimes it’s easy to get wrapped up in an interactive fantasy world, and lose track of time. Suddenly people are staring holes through your face and cursing you under their breath, and you can’t help the compulsion to defend yourself with such rationalizations as “it’s just laundry…” even though you probably feel like a jerk for not doing it like you should have.
I take it you are female? Did I read this post correctly…… your man doesnt do anything while you do it all?
Are you married?
I can tell you one thing…..
If you are married….. you and him should go to counseling. Don’t just abandon the guy. I was abandoned, but for different reasons, because I didn’t put everything on my wife, even though I didn’t have a job. I still took care of a lot, just “not enough” in her eyes. Badically she was a lazy ***** who cheated on me more than once. Yes she worked, but she also slept too much. Thats how a fat ***** is, I had to push her to do a lot of things. Its not that I minded doing them, because I am an active person, not a couch potato.
My wife has no conscience…. she left, she wouldnt have even said as much as you did.
But WTF do you expect from someone who only married me to run from her conflicts at home?
I give you credit for at least considering him, but I am totally against you leaving him because you just feel under pressure.
You need to consider his feelings, adress the issues. My wife NEVER came to me, other than when she told me she could afford her apartment if she didnt pay for my insurance.
There is also the concept of “reality”.
My counselor pointed out, in detail, how “her reality” was not reality at all. He concluded that by accurate things I told him about her.
In my wifes’ case, she believed (really believed) she was not at fault, that everything was MY fault. Hell, even in describing an argument we had, my wife told me what she saw, and it was totally opposite of what happened, and I even had a witness to confirm it.
There is often reality….
Then there IS REALITY.
Just maybe you arent even seeing things wrong with you?
Just sayin.
I know this is something really trivial to ***** about. But it’s at the point where the smallest straw breaks the camel’s back. I try to let him know that these things are bothering me and how these things can be fixed, but he always gets defensive and takes it personally and it comes right back around and makes me feel like a shitty person. I already know I’m a piece of shit. I try my hardest to be a good girlfriend (we’re not married, but we might as well be. We’ve been together for four years now) but these days I just feel like it’s not good enough.
Maybe I am just seeing things out of perspective, but how am I supposed to know?
I just think I’m reaching breaking point.
I’m trying to be happy, and cheerful, and do all these things to make sure we’ll be okay. But I just feel like there is no effort on the other end. I don’t want it to be like that, but I don’t know what else to do…
I went through this EXACTLY, and I mean EXACTLY. I had a discussion with my counselor/psychiatrist about it….. its not you, it is THEM. They don’t take responsibility for their actions. They don’t see what they do is wrong. They blame the other person (me/you).
You know how many times I went to my wife and told her how I felt, what I felt was wrong? suggested simple things to fix the problems, make me feel better…. but NO FUCKIN WAY. Nothing. Instead, I got blamed, made to feel like shit, and her leaving me only pushed the last nail in.
My advice, and I mean STRONG advice… LEAVE this guy. You arent married, so you aren’t abandoning him. However, if he needs you, really needs you in some manner, I wouldnt suggest leaving, but be sure of that. You will never work it out. I speak from experience.