I feel like society has screwed me over. I feel like my parents have screwed me over. I feel like the medical establishment has screwed me over. I feel like my government has screwed me over. And no one seems to care. I feel like killing myself in a very public and theatrical way to get my point across. Everyone around me seems like a brain dead zombie. What methods are available to me to complete the act? Basically right now my best option is hanging. And I feel that is a totally degrading and horrible way to die. Shooting myself in the head seems good but it will be horrible for whoever has to find me. Have you guys ever searched images of people who have blown their heads off? It’s pretty f’ed up. Right now I’m on a mission to find a gun. I’m afraid of ending up a vegetable or something though. I wish I never came into this shitty existence.
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G’nite folks. I’m tired but perhaps some of you will reply to my thread? If not I won’t be offended. God speed.
Don’t shoot yourself please. I’ve seen too many pictures and videos of people who failed in their attempt and it’s absolutely horrific.
Get some strong barbiturates and a bottle of vodka.
Fast, easy, painless. You can curl up in your nice, warm bed and just fall asleep and never wake up.
Best way to do it.
I’ve actually tried very hard to obtain barbiturates but it’s near impossible. Blowing my head off is instantaneous and painless. People fail because they put the barrel against their chin and blow their faces off. The best way is to put the barrel in your mouth and point towards the brain stem for an insta-death. Preferably with a shotgun so that there’s no way to survive it. God this life sucks so much..
Yep. Carrying relentless anger is harsh, but releasing it can be far worse.
My plan = mixture of drugs to put me to sleep, go out in the water/ocean and drown.
The ocean is where I have always been at peace, as I grew up on the water, and I am also a scuba diver.
I’d like to kill myself in front of my wife, but I’ll likely do it as described above.
Who/what specifically are you the most angry at?
I don’t think I have it in me to be very angry about anything anymore….if anything its manifested into extreme sadness….its like even if I did …the main thing is “whats the point?” like I could get angry save for a gun and find a way to purchase an assault rifle and go to the nearest bank HQ and kill them all for the shit banks have done to us but that is misdirected anger and is largely pointless….It would do nothing….absolutely nothing….even when I receive a good bashing for my current state from my mom I never get angry….I just don’t care anymore….when you honestly don’t give a fuck nothing angers you anymore….its a 2 sided coin with me….you either get sadness or apathy that is my spectrum of emotions
The other side of anger is sadness. Apathy is somewhere in the middle, i think. If you don’t care, then you would have neither anger nor sadness.
I go back and forth. Sometimes i’m too burnt or exhausted to feel anything. It’s not even that i’m “apathetic,” but i just… stop. I just sort of shut down for a while and try not to do anything that hurts.
Once i’m finally relaxed enough and recharged, i start doing more mental activity, and try to get a plan of action worked up, with the expectation that i want to force myself to accomplish something that benefits me. But unless it’s like the tiniest thing, it always gets disrupted somehow… sometimes the typically predictable ways, sometimes not.
And then i either get very sad that i can never accomplish anything, or i get very angry that something always disrupts my previously seemingly reasonable plan. Sometimes people do incredibly stupid “little things,” incessantly, and i just can’t take it anymore… and i have to shut down and isolate myself, or i risk losing control and hurting someone.
I get tired and fed up with “caring,” but how can i not? Most of the time it’s about someone obstructing me in some way, and i just can’t figure out how to not care that someone else is disrupting the progress i need to make, preventing me from becoming able to take care of myself and stop needlessly suffering so much. Meanwhile, i’ve lost years and health and opportunities, due to all this shit. Soon there will be nothing left to work with, nothing left to save, nothing left to gain. And i refuse to strive for anything i don’t want, or will never attain. I don’t know what else is left… i guess food and drugs? Video games? I find it difficult to play video games anymore. I’ve lost interest. I can’t afford drugs, and i refuse to do any prison time for alleviating my misery with chemicals, or even with entirely natural plant matter. I don’t have much of an appetite these days, and my teeth are fucked. Eating is not such an enjoyable experience for me anymore. Not much is.
Well maybe I just don’t have the energy and motivation to get angry….I guess thats a better explanation….Sadness doesn’t require the same effort to sustain or reach….I know this is not the same for all people but for me it takes a lot to push me to that brink of total murderous rage….but some people will snap at the drop of a hat….I just don’t have the wherewithal to get angry anymore….it takes a lot out of you and well ….a car can’t travel on E….but it sure as hell can break down on E