I feel ashamed writing this but at this point I feel that I have to come to someone or something. It’s been over a year I believe since my last post, since then I have lost 2 loves and my mom has recently been said to have breast cancer. She worries so much about me and not herself. She has been the only thing that has kept me alive. I simply couldn’t imagine leaving my mom with no one to take care of her. Â I feel that I’m worthless in this world. I have Asperger’s Autism which makes me kind of a recluse with people. Lately I have tried to be more friendly and I have made a few people laugh but with everything that has happened lately I feel that almost no one could blame me at this point if I gave up. Â I have been hospitalized twice for my suicidal thoughts and I honestly will have to live my life on SSI checks as I mentally can’t adapt to people or their wants in any certain way. My mom might have to retire because of this condition and already it looks like the money flow is stopping. I haven’t received any checks and I have only recently applied for SSI checks. My dad paid child support until just now cause I’m 18 and were trying to get extended for a year but I don’t know if it will work. My dad knows of my moms condition but has offered little emotional support and unlike most dads you have to bring him to court to get money out of him even if it would be the right thing to do just to help out. I feel like that with the bills that are coming in and my mom since she can’t work will not be able to afford them I just feel that my death might bring sadness to her but at least she would have one less mouth to feed and maybe could live a little more comfortably without me. I have nothing else to lose. I haven’t in a while. I just hope that if I do go through it that someone can take care of my mom. That is all I ask of them. She is my world and she would give her life for me but now I feel that I should give my life for her.
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You write and sound like you are 18. Only someone that age could think that their own death could possibly make their own mother, in poor health, feel better.
Get some help, kid.
hey there
hi
Are you work equip-able, haha can you .. work / find a job? =/
it’s okay, im not either. I don’t know what to say… o_o … im sorry. So who were the people that you made laugh? =o
To GW:
Dont you insult this girl ************! She has written a true touching story and you direct yourself to her with demeaning and despising words, you sick ************ bastard, you truly are a sick person
TO the young girl/boy who wrote the story:
Dear I dont know why you write “the ugly one”, because there is a lot of of beauty and soul in your words. Asperger’s syndrome, depending on the degree is not that bad, and usually they are known to be extremely intelligent.
I would like to keep in touch with you. Reply and then can give you my mail.
hugs
O
Somebody has to play the adult.
Here’s what it looks like and it ain’t pretty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E37cMtCrKoA
No GW, you’re not playing the adult on this site,.just being a dick and selling your ACIM bullsit.
If all adults would be like that…
No, it’s just very immature GW
Your mother needs you to, you have to help her through this and she will do the same to you. It sounds like you 2 have a good bond.
I’m not talking about the money, but about just being there. Sometimes that is all you can do.
Also, don’t listen to some certain people on this site. A while ago I realized that some people are only here to bash on you for your age.
I sort of agree w/ GW here, exceptions aside. Most people’s mothers don’t “feel better” after the death of their offspring, even if their lives caused difficulty.
Then again, i have hypotheses about how motherhood causes a special type of insanity to any woman who becomes a mother, so maybe they’re crazy not to feel better about the elimination of a source of problems. I don’t know.
I don’t see anything particularly wrong or insulting about what G.W. said. He’s just saying that it’s pretty ridiculous to think that one’s mother would feel better for the death of her offspring. According to my own observations of reality for 30+ years, that’s quite accurate, even when the mother’s offspring cause the mother to feel burdened.
Maybe it’s a language barrier.
Just trying to help.
I have tried to get jobs but the only job that I can do is ones that don’t require working with alot of people. So far the only job I have been able to get is some gardening work with my uncle and I have trouble with that.
People at my school I make laugh.
I am a boy and thanks it means alot that you are being supportive.
Yeah I understand. Some people understand, some people don’t. I know my death would bring sadness. Any death brings some degree of sadness regardless of how good the person was. Hell Hitler’s suicide probably brought a degree of sadness to his men. I just feel that if I died my mom would be sad but at least she might be able to get by easier.
The night I tried to end it….. I kissed my mom, left the house. ….. the rest is history.
But I realized it was a mistake. I knew it would hurt her, yet I still went out that night (because I wasnt in my right mind).
Dont make that mistake. I feel bad for your mom and your family. I hope she can conquer the cancer. She needs you now more than ever. Stay for her.
Your dad reminds me of my wife…. abandonment. Awful people.
I am here for a bit, Im waiting to see how my life goes…. mom is still here, I lost my wife and most of my life.
Hang in there, at least for a while, then rethink your options.
Thanks. I can’t imagine losing someone like that. Im praying for you. Hope things get better.