Longing to go home

Hi, I’m Samantha, I go by Sammy. I am 17, a junior in high school. I’ve moved 5 times, lived in 4 different states. I was planning on telling a longer life story, but my last one was suddenly deleted & I am not going to rewrite the whole thing.. I have a great family, & overall people will say my life is well off. my main reason for thinking about ending my life is the feeling of being not needed, & way to overwhelmed with school. I’ve never had a best friend. The one who you always hang out with, saves you a seat,. I just feel left out.I only have like 5 friends, & none I’m really close with. I guess I feel lonely.  I don’t feel like I need to be here. No one really cares if I’m here or not, except family & some friends.  I don’t do anything extraordinary. I dont deserve to live. Why would God take a friend I knew from grade school away who fought so hard to live, & lets me stay who is talking about wanting to die? My friend passed away about a month ago from leukemia, he was 16. he should be here right now. Moving on, school is just too overwhelming. I have ADD, and lots of anxiety. I stress over everything. If I do bad on school, I won’t gt into a good college, & my life would be unsuccessful. but I can’t live through the stress any longer. I get do stressed out, I am brought to tears. I’m miserable. also, since middle school I’ve gotten many comments on my weight. I am really skinny, I always have been. & people are always saying it’s good to be skinny. But when people tell you “you’re anorexic” “you’ve got chicken legs” or ask “how are you so skinny?” Those aren’t compliments. & it hurts. Now I am just annoyed. I’ve also been told I don’t belong here, or no one wants me here, & to just leave. Ice started to believe I don’t belong here. ever since I was a kid, I would say “I want to go home”, even when I’m at home. I’ve been wanting to go home, but I don’t know where home is. I think I am being called back home. Like I was sent here for a reason by God, but now I either completed my “mission” or failed, & now I am being called back to where I came from. i truly feel God is my father, but I have a certain connection to him. I want to be with him, safe. I want to escape this world. & I am very aware the bible says suicide is a sin & you will go to hell if you do it, but I sense I will be ok. I think hell is a state of mind. Those who commit suicide who aren’t doing it out of guilt, or just to escape pain, may not suffer in afterlife as much as one who continues to live with guilt, or used suicide to get out of being punished. Im not saying it’s a free ride to heaven, suicide is not. but I don’t believe God would punish those who took their life only because they couldn’t take anymore pain. I don’t feel important enough to live a life. you may call me selfish for giving up, but at this point that is all I want to do.