okay um, i need a fucking knife, i give up on this dehydration thing. it is taking so long and i keep accidently drinking with my meds and then i go to purge the water and urgh im just tired of life. i want to stab my boyfriend but i cant cause he is grounded because he went clubbing with a girl who is hard core crushing on him, she is bombing his ask, and why cant he see how much he is hurting me. i wish i could just tell him that i hadnt selfharmed in almost 2 months before we started dating, and now i have begun again, im back where i started, although now my wounds are infected and scarring like a fucker. urgh.