My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 and a bit months ago and I’m really struggling to carry on living. Our 3 year anniversary was December 11th and she left in October, I had just spent a months wage on taking her out for her birthday to a nice hotel etc and then when I saw her 3 days later she spoke about breaking up. The week she broke up with me I was made redundant at work, it was the anniversary of the death of someone who was like my big brother, it was a week or two before my own birthday and a few months off our anniversary. On the Monday when she spoke about breaking up she said that she would give me a chance to change things as she had said that I had been acting different and that we had got in a rut, like the spark was gone from the relationship. I had felt the same a bit but the reason it was that way was due to me working almost 24/7 in a job that was breaking/had broke my spirit. I was already becoming myself again and the man she loved by the Monday night, I next saw her on Wednesday for a nice meal out with my mum and a friend which was alright but then on the Thursday, she broke up with me. I never got my chance. She had said about being friends and that she couldn’t have me out of her life and that she believed that after a little while we would be back together and thought “some distance will make the heart grow stronger”. Time went on and she barely spoke to me and made no effort to carry on conversation with me, we had had sex again after the break up and we were sober and everything but just agreed that it was just sex. She then started meeting up with another guy and when we broke up we both promised to not kiss anyone else for a while so we could make being friends etc a bit easier. One night when she was out with him I asked her if she had been keeping the promise and she said yes. Later that night I was messaged by the new guy saying that they had kissed, I started having a panic attack and asked her about it and she said yeah it was true and she had lied about it earlier. I still spoke to her and I just forgot about it. As the days went by she started seeing this guy more and then the day after what would have been our 3 year anniversary, she told me that she was now in a relationship with the guy. We stopped speaking not long after that but every single day I miss her and love her so much. I’m the only guy she’s ever slept with and the relationship was the first serious one for both of us. We had been through so much together, I had a hip replacement and she was there to help me, she pulled up my socks when I was in too much pain to reach them. I thought of a future with her and everything, she’s the only person I’ve ever met who has loved me for me. We would get on incredibly too and had so much fun. Everyday I just want to hold her and feel happy again, everyday I struggle to make it through life. I just want a cuddle from her and for her to be with me again and everything makes me think about her. I don’t even know if she thinks about me anymore and that kills me. I feel like I have no one because a lot of my friends have done nothing for me and I never get out of my house. I feel so alone and hopeless to everything going on and I can’t keep going and every time I try to do something to get out of the grave I’m in, I always get pushed back into it and get no help. I really can’t see a reason to live anymore if all I’m feeling is this misery
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I really really really really REALLY wish I had an answer for you that you could respond to. I’m in a similiar position then you and I just don’t feel like moving forward with more pain I have to try and supress every single damn day. The haunting is too much for me to take.
For you I wish the best cause I know your pain.
Thank you, I wish you the best and hope we both find a way through the pain. It’s like the life you build around just gets taken away and given to someone else
Feel so bad for you.
Try being married 14 years (17 total with her).
Mine abandoned me.
Sounds like she is filth.
I’ll also tell you this like a guy……. she is screwing him, trust me. Aint easy to hear, but I guarantee it.
You dont want a “woman” like this,,,,, be rid of her and find a real woman.
You got screwed like I did.
How old are you if I might ask?
I know your pain….. I tried to end it on Aug 30th because of what she did to me that day (the shock of it all).
I’m 20 and I know that’s young but I really struggle to see a future without her because of the things we had went through together. I’ve never met anyone like her in the slightest
and from what you described she did to you…….
you dont want to meet anyone lie her in the slightest again.
trust me……
what you wrote I could have written almost the exact same thing about my wife…. really….
its hard now,,,,
but….
you dont want a piece of crap like her.
Same boat… our anniversary would have been yesterday (4 years), got dumped 5 months ago and to this day the pain is still there (an i believe it will continue to be there for a long time). Reasons similar to yours, we started to distance because of me being sick and her moving into another town for work (i was going to live with her eventually but she ended the relationship before that happened).
My exgf also lied a lot to me when we ended up the relationship, first giving me small hope, and then letting me know that she just wanted to be friends… then avoiding me a lot, also seemed to be with another guy but i could never confirm that (up to this day), so i assume she is with a guy who can’t be seen with her (i believe her boss is with her, always showed a particular interest there, and he’s married so that would explain the hiding part). Sad part is that like it happened to you, i believed she was the one, and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, we got along great and shared everything (until we started to distance).
What i’m getting at is: people change, or they just aren’t sincere from the beggining, and if you are going to be with someone it better be someone who is honest and upfront to you, not someone that will leave you when things get difficult or when she just gets bored… if you have more reasons to live hang on to those and try to move on… 2 months is a small time to overcome a break up when you were so commited in the relationship as you say you were… i know it’s hard to believe but it does hurt a bit less with time, hope you will be able to recover from this
Exactly
I occasionally feel like I make progress but then something happens that brings me straight back down. It feels like at every corner there’s something new that’s ready to test me and force me to give up, all I’m finding is failure while everything is perfect for her
women are schemers…. they plan this crap out to their benefit, right down to the last detail.
once they turn off those feelings, its off….
it amazed me how much of a **** my wife became when she cheated the first time around.
I was ignorant and should have divorced her then.
But no, I was the nice forgiving one…. and I got fucked over the second time around because of it.
I wonder what is worse, being left alone by your partner or not having a partner in the first place.
@ClairDeLune: Neither is worse… they are just very different. I can tell you that it is harder being left alone by your partner when you are mostly to blame tho.
@ClairDeLune, I sometimes envy people who never felt true love. They also never felt true (relationship) heartbreak either.
Ignorant I know.
worse to be abandoned,,,, much worse…..
Don’t be ashamed of the pain — often times the shame makes the situation worse. The only sacred thing in life are feelings — and pain maybe the holy of holies. For those who preach, ‘just get on with it, you gotta buckle up, you’ll get over it’, do they have to suffer your pain? I think not. So fuck them…granted the majority are just acting out of fear (the cause of almost every incorrect action in the world), and feelings of not knowing want to do. Not malicious, but obviously not helpful.
I’m going through something similar — the apparent breakdown of my marriage — and quite honestly I’m going through hell.
All Ican say is try to focus on what is really hurting you — not displaced emotions.
I’ll give youn example: when my father, may he rest in peace, passed away, one of my brothers, may he also rest in peace, said, ‘ I think I should have died instead. Daddy was a much better person than I am.’
To which my other brother replied, ‘that’s not what you’re really feeling…that’ s just a rationalzation to make yourself feel better… the truth is your feeling intense pain because of daddy’s loss, somewhich id quite normal and, even, healthy’.
That’s what I mean by displaced emotions…if you can analyze them, then you can see that they’re really not what’ s causing you pain.
Without regard to real pain, caused by loss/separation, if I had the answer to that the world suffer a lot less I can assure you.
Be well.
your wife gonna abandon you too?
seems like a disease now….
they are all going nuts… batty,,, looney.
I feel that if she gave me the slightest chance I could have shown her that everything would be back to normal and we would be happy again. She said that I was mostly to blame for the break up and also that I had almost pushed her to the new guy she’s with. It kills me knowing that if she had given me literally a few days then she would be happy with me again and that the relationship would be back at its best but now she’s with another guy while I’m alone and miserable and I never get the opportunity to go out with friends or anything like that
shes a filthy **** (sorry, im saying it like it is).
she left you…. then tries to blame you…
get real woman….
a real woman will respect and not lie/cheat on you like this.
I am a strong believer that things like this will catch up to them later, so just think of yourself.
Wifeisgone, believe me, not all women are like that. I’m not like that. I can honestly say that I have never cheated on anyone. So making this a female or male thing doesn’t make any sense to me. Some people are just schemers, regardless of their sex. Sorry I just don’t respond well to people trying to divide everyone by race sex and put them all in a box like toys. No hard feelings
@keief
do you believe that this ‘people change’ mantra is really true ? i can’t help but think that the problems have been caused by lack of communication about expressing one’s feelings about the state of the marriage or about different events that arose
unlike wig, i’m still totally in love with my wife, even though she left me more than 2 years ago (albeit we communicate constantly, and share a business together
@kingdomFife: Saying this is against what i feel right now (guilt and blame for hurting my exgf), but i’m really seeing a pattern there… i was willing to do everything to fix things, even moving into a city i disliked while being sick, and i admitted all of my mistakes in the process… the answer? “too late” and i was to blame for most if not all of the things that caused the breakup (i know i did most of it wrong but not ALL was my fault)… honestly… i’m with WIG in this one… some people just shift guilt and continue with their lifes like they just turn a switch on/off
I feel worse because I know what she’s done is really shitty and as my cousin put it to me “if you had felt like she had, would you have thrown away the relationship or would you have spoke about it and then tried working it out”. Even though all that’s happened I still love her so much and think of how happy she made me. I would do anything just to have our good relationship back
@fester: i believe both to be true… people do change, maybe not who they are, but their priorities and goals change… and that can lead to misunderstandings and breakups… same as communication issues.
@keief she said to me “it’s too late” when I spoke about a relationship again too
@kf
‘i would do anything to have my old relationship back’ — this is EXACTLY what my heart has been crying for years and i mean it
Figures… sounded really similar to me.
Anyone who never had a lover also doesn’t have those good memories and experiences that come with a relationship. But I haven’t experienced being left by a partner so who am I to judge that.
KingdomFife, this might sound like something stupid to you, but love will come again. And from what I read you are def. the kind of guy I would want to have in my life so I’m sure there are many girls out there who share this view. Of course losing someone is the most painful part, but it does get better with time. My bf dumped me as well but to be honest, that isn’t the main reason why I subscribed here. I think all of us meet someone who at the end of the road in not worthy of us. That doesn’t mean there is no hope for us to find someone who is
@ClairDeLune: It honestly depends on how much time you are alone, and how you are left by someone… i never had relationships of any kind until i was relatively older (22), so being alone through that period felt like hell (specially when everyone around me had someone). I do remember it being comparable to being left by someone, or maybe worse.
Now, being comparable to being left by someone you truly loved, where you had most of the fault? not a chance. If you really love the person you feel at least a bit happy that they might find true happiness now they are not with you (even if it’s still difficult being without that person, at least this is my case), but the guilt of having hurt the person you love and know that both of you might have been happy if you just wouldn’t have screwed up things so much… that’s the difficult part. I don’t think i’ll ever forgive myself, even if she is able to one day (most likely she just doesn’t care by now tho, lol).
@keief: Sorry bro, I didn’t want to reopen old scars. I guess it must have been true love if you are willing to leave her so she can have a better life.
@ClairDeLune: no prob, those have never closed anyway haha. And nah, i was the one left by her (and i can’t blame her). It is just that i could have tried going back (and maybe i could have convinced her, she didn’t seem too sure of her decision after a bit)… but she just seemed so… i don’t know, peaceful? better than when she was with me, happier too… so i just realized that it was the best for her and she had made the right choice for herself.
i dont believe all women are whores, some are, yes, and I had one for a wife, a true whore.
I dont believe most are like her.
You wouldnt have convinced her otherwise. She made up her mind, she wanted out. She got out.
She left you for another guy, its trash. Its what I experienced, and I was stupid enough to let her do it twice.
No more.
i hear wedding bells hehehehe
am I invited? lol
@Wifeisgone, sounds like you are better off without her, even taking all the pain. It’s her loss actually, not yours. You finally got the truth, she is probably still living in a lie. Life is bit like, if you haven’t tasted the bitter, you can never really appreciate the sweet. Well, you’ve had bitter, I wish you all the sweetness for the future
Thank you for the great comment.
At 47, I have to learn how to date all over again,,,, I thought I gave it all up 17 years ago.
I just wonder how many years have been taken off my life coz of the prolonged stress.
I wish you happiness too.
Well my mom always says life starts at forty so why not do it all over again. It’s a second chance, keep the experience and drop the emotional baggage from that bad relationship. I’m sure you will do just fine at dating, just let it all happen, most of the time it does come by itself anyways 🙂 good luck to you
I just feel so down and like I don’t know how much longer I can keep going while feeling this way. Everyday feels the same and I’m so sick of it because nothing changes for the better. I know that time will make it easier but I can’t carry on living this way if all I’m doing is waiting and it’s a horrible feeling
thank you.
i wish the best for you too.
Hey how are you doing?