New lights.

Perhaps the following is common knowledge to many. Perhaps some of us will read and think “of course” or “that goes without saying.” But maybe it is completely different to others of us and is definitely not in the realm of how we operate. Where would you stand?

I don’t really find much to positively say about the things we’re experiencing that bring us to the thoughts of suicide. I know I and many others would rather seek to live a life of meaningful substance. But for whatever reason or another, through our histories or our trauma, we may not all be at the point at which we think such meaning in life is an option. But to descend to the prospects of withdrawing from our lives gives many of us a clarity with which we find ourselves most expressive or even creative. The negative emotions associated with many of our stories indeed stand heavy on our existence: these feelings can be of an enormous burden as they physically and mentally take their toll on us. So I suppose with such in mind, I don’t necessarily see being on the brink of suicide or other hurtful means to the self as something to constantly, perpetually be around us for the sake of whatever states of different understanding we could not otherwise have. To be around these thoughts of suicide however can lead one to feel things, to understand things, to see things, to sense things in a way that is profoundly more detailed and sensitive. I know on the other end of the spectrum we can learn things in new light too, but it’s different when sadness, hopelessness, and these negative extremes are the focus of how we’re feeling. Maybe in a way we can see our best when we’re in our darkest times. Or perhaps a better way of putting it is maybe we can make the best of when we’re at our worst. Somebody said something to the effect of “It is when we are at our ledge thinking about jumping that life opens its secrets up. We understand things, we get the unfathomable. And at that time, however far we may have fallen, it is then that we have the potential to come back flying to soaring heights.” Not all of us feel that surge in creativity or expressiveness when we’re in our darkest times, but can we deny those times give us some sort of new understanding or idea on aspects of life? We don’t all have the same stories so I can understand that we don’t all fall in the same pattern of feelings and though processing. But I suppose I just wonder sometimes about what usefulness we can take out of these hard times we find ourselves living.