I’m  from the middle east. Female, ex-muslim, the worst combination in the worst place. Anyway, I’m not doing so well socially too.
There’s a big community of atheists on Facebook which I joined, and even there I just couldn’t express myself or get involved with them.
I just don’t belong anywhere. I lived as an expat in another country here in the region, and kept moving all the time so never had the chance to make friends, or fit in a stereotype which people would accept. I’m just an awful mix of everything I’ve seen or heard.
I’ve been through alot of shit, just like everyone else, Â obviously. It all started the moment I realized god is a fairytale. It happened in just a day, and I think religion was all I trusted but never reasoned. Anyway I’m over that now.
Some horrible stuff happened when my family knew I’m an atheist. They knew by accident ofcourse. The amount of bullshit they believe and act upon is unbelievable. Now I don’t know who you are or where you’re living. But If you’re living in one of those first world countries then all I’m expecting you to think is that we’re barbarians uncivilized people, and guess what, you’re right!
But there is this tiny little fraction of us who managed to wake up in the middle of this nightmare, I’m starting to believe it’s some gene mutation I don’t know, cause no matter how much logic you put on correcting the bullshit here they just don’t get it.
I’m listening to lots of people in their 40’s talking about aging, how awful it feels, you know, dying slowly. Or being dysfunctional in some parts, that doesn’t seem good, I know I’m in my early 20’s but I keep thinking I’m already halfway there.
20+ years passed and I haven’t lived. Buried alive, like literally. This Hijab or veil bullshit, and the happiness is a taboo as long as you’re a virgin, just don’t smile and act as a f* piece of slave. I still have alot to do to get out of here, if I ever did. And even though I might succeed if I tried, but does it really worth it? I’m already 20 something, that gives me how long to enjoy before starting to break down? 10 years? Well fuck it, I may not be able to make it anyway.
I’m having bad luck with my boyfriend. I guess it’s my problem not his. I just can’t manage some personal issues I’m having, I don’t get it, but it’s painful.
I was just reading some peoples posts in here and I thought to myself, why the heck do you complain. I mean nothing is wrong with suicide, I think my life sucks, If you’re born in the middle east and you don’t have a penis just kill yourself. That’s it.
Don’t wait to listen to the hope bullshit. There is no hope. It’s just what it is. Wrong person, wrong mindset, wrong place. Easy, just kill yourself in silence.
I think I wrote here to at least have my story told. And even though I wrote that much I haven’t said a thing.
PS: I tagged the category “Stories of Hope” as I sometimes think that maybe, just maybe, if someone saw the shit I’m in s/he’ll be more tolerant with the shit they’re in.
4 comments
I’m really sorry that you’re from that part of the world. I’ve been doing a lot of research into the conditions over there (particularly the horrific oppression that women are faced with) recently, and you have my deepest sympathy.
Can you maybe try to immigrate to the United States? Things are a lot better over here than they are there.
Your post does give me hope for the Middle East, because I know that eventually, people won’t be able to put up with the bullshit oppression that minorities face, especially in the cases of women, people of different faiths or atheists, and homosexuals.
I also know that it’s stupid to mention, but I kind of want to go to the Middle East, because I want to learn what people really think about life there, and I want to help people somehow. Maybe I could even simply talk to people and try to cheer them up, because life can be depressing when you have no god to believe in, let alone you have no people to believe in.
Fiery. Go Ms. K.
I like your username. Your life sounds rough. You should really try to see if you can make it over to the U.S, Canada, or even Britain. Someone with your obvious intelligence shouldn’t be left to suffer because of your gender and beliefs… (Nobody should, but what I’m saying is that you sound intelligent enough to get yourself out.)