Weird and interesting question. This is probably the last week of my life and im asking myself all the time what is different. More courage / doing things you never did? Actually not. I phantasize a about the moment when i will be found and i know this pitiful.
If I wanted to enjoy the last hour, I would go to a lonely forrest, meditate and play a last song on guitar. But this is hypotetical. If I could tell my pain by music, i would not need to die.
I guess what most people before die are tied deep to irrational thoughts and phantasies, probablay with some euphory and smiling around.
Logistics tend to be the last thought, I guess there is a wierd empowerment that comes from that sense of self control, but I often wonder, at that momement, if there really is clarity or is it relief. Is there just a unbelievable high derived from the rush that somehow makes the last moment more of an adventure. Or is it some strenght that propels us over the fear. However, in terms of fear, I have to think, one would plan a sucicide out to such a degree that the initial action required to committ the deed has been acoounted for such that the final act is as simple as flipping a switch. So in that case as cagedtiger suggest, the planning would consume one’s entire attention.
But I also think in the end, you try to do something that makes you feel happy, that provides relief. It sort of like suggesting stealling one good feeling from this existence will comfort you in the moment of reckoning.
I’m going to tell my mom I love her…she hasn’t heard that in a long time. She’ll ask and I’ll say yes, but its one of those things I just haven’t been able to say yes.
I plan to send a voice message…I thought about a phone call but he’d probably find a way to stop me as he’d know just from the sound of my voice what my plan is even if I don’t say anything. He’s heard it before and stopped me…and I know I would stop if I heard his again so a voice recording will have to do.
I have an outfit picked out, a song to listen to, and print out signs to put up to warn people to stay away because of my method. Probably will drink and take some pills to take the edge off.
I’ve been wondering this since i have a couple of weeks before i go ahead with it, but as it is i’m trying to spend some time with the only 2 people that remain in my life (family). Besides that, playing some guitar, some unfinished videogames and isolate myself from the world in order not to meet more people (i figured if i’m going to die no point in involving anyone else).
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What I’m trying to do is get more accurate information on the method that I chose so that I don’t end up surviving to be a brain dead vegetable.
Weird and interesting question. This is probably the last week of my life and im asking myself all the time what is different. More courage / doing things you never did? Actually not. I phantasize a about the moment when i will be found and i know this pitiful.
If I wanted to enjoy the last hour, I would go to a lonely forrest, meditate and play a last song on guitar. But this is hypotetical. If I could tell my pain by music, i would not need to die.
I guess what most people before die are tied deep to irrational thoughts and phantasies, probablay with some euphory and smiling around.
Logistics tend to be the last thought, I guess there is a wierd empowerment that comes from that sense of self control, but I often wonder, at that momement, if there really is clarity or is it relief. Is there just a unbelievable high derived from the rush that somehow makes the last moment more of an adventure. Or is it some strenght that propels us over the fear. However, in terms of fear, I have to think, one would plan a sucicide out to such a degree that the initial action required to committ the deed has been acoounted for such that the final act is as simple as flipping a switch. So in that case as cagedtiger suggest, the planning would consume one’s entire attention.
But I also think in the end, you try to do something that makes you feel happy, that provides relief. It sort of like suggesting stealling one good feeling from this existence will comfort you in the moment of reckoning.
I’m going to tell my mom I love her…she hasn’t heard that in a long time. She’ll ask and I’ll say yes, but its one of those things I just haven’t been able to say yes.
I plan to send a voice message…I thought about a phone call but he’d probably find a way to stop me as he’d know just from the sound of my voice what my plan is even if I don’t say anything. He’s heard it before and stopped me…and I know I would stop if I heard his again so a voice recording will have to do.
I have an outfit picked out, a song to listen to, and print out signs to put up to warn people to stay away because of my method. Probably will drink and take some pills to take the edge off.
I’ve been wondering this since i have a couple of weeks before i go ahead with it, but as it is i’m trying to spend some time with the only 2 people that remain in my life (family). Besides that, playing some guitar, some unfinished videogames and isolate myself from the world in order not to meet more people (i figured if i’m going to die no point in involving anyone else).
I’d finish a drawing I have had unfinished for some years and I would also write a note. I would also want to see people that day, have a party even.