I’ve been stuck in the “depression pit”, as I like to call it. I have depression, but I’m also bipolar (type 2). Therefore, when I hit the depression part of my cycle, it’s multiplied and I pretty much isolate myself until it goes away.
I haven’t been doing well recently. Every time I think I’m going to stop self-harming, I do it again. My legs are a mess. I was clean for a week (not a big accomplishment, but it was a great improvement for someone who cuts multiple times a day). I cut this morning.
Why is it that the only way for me to gain temporary relief is to mutilate myself? Do I really hate myself that much?