I want to kill myself. I want to be thin and beautiful and I don’t want to look like a piece of shit anymore I hate myself so much and it’s so overwhelming I just want to die its so tempting I just want to be skinny and pretty but I look like a fucking horse and I want to stop lying a to my shrinks. I don’t want to be fat anymore I just want to be perfect and skinny and never eat anything again
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I know what you mean I used to be real fat and got down to 160 from 245 but I took diet pills I know what you mean
I do too, want to be thinner. But I’m not. Should death be my punishment? Or do I deserve to live my life fully? Think about it.
You are perfect as you are. Why not embrace your uniqueness instead of judging yourself. Do you judge sun for shining or rain for falling. You are perfect as you are. Love yourself, accept yourself.
One of my enemies is Ana’s friend – Mia. Mia or bulimia makes my life hell. It all started when I got to 230 lbs because I binge ate all the time. Cook, make tasty food, fat food, sugary food, any food that would make me feel better and eat until I felt like my stomach was going to explode.
One day I really saw a picture of myself. I tried making myself vomit and realized no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. So I started extreme dieting and extreme exercising (crossfit 2-3 times a day/ 6 days per week) with laxatives and enemas and an unhealthy amount of coffee. I did that for a few months and went down to a muscular 180. I took a bite of cake. Started binge eating again. Repeat vicious cycle until now.
I’m now 155 at 5’6… And you know what? I still look in the mirror and see that 230 lbs girl and feel like shit. My skin is gray, my eyes are sunken in, I have acne and I’m not anymore pretty than I was at 230 lbs and I’m slowly destroying my body.
You don’t want that. There are other ways than eating disorders or death. Please consider that.
My teeth are pretty messed up because of Mia
Being to thin can hurt as well. I’ve had an intestinal disease all my life called Celiac disease. It was left untreated for 19 years so now all the lining of my intestinal wall is ate away and i have a hard time absorbing nutrition. I’m 24 and only weigh 87lbs. I can count my ribs. As a result my stomach hurts pretty much 24/7. I’m on two medications Zofran to control the nausea and vomiting and Vicodin to help manage the pain.
It hurts me deep when others say they wish they could look like I do. To be “thin and beautiful”. I certainly don’t feel beautiful.
Back when I was in school before I had been diagnosed with Celiac and it would be quiet when we would all be doing an assignment my stomach would growl and rumble so loud that the whole class could hear it and all the other kid’s would laugh and say “why don’t you eat something” I would half to say “I’m to sick to my stomach to eat” and they would all laugh.
One of the worst thing’s ever was throwing up in class. Grabbing the trash can in case I didn’t make it in time and running down the hall to the restroom. I know when I jumped up and left the room they would all start talking, but what could I do? I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I hope my little “life story” can help you. Thats the only reason I decided to post it.
I hope you feel better soon,
That really sucks… just a reminder that there are two ends of the spectrum, each bringing their own forms of pain and misery. I can relate to having stomach issues, although yours make mine sound like nothing. But I know what it’s like to have people always questioning you about why you never eat much. I always feel bad when I go to a restaurant because I can only eat like a third of what’s on the plate. I always feel like I’m insulting the cooks or something, haha. I can’t imagine your situation though, sounds like you have it much worse than me.
Anyways, just wanted to say something since your story really hits home for me. To both you and OP, good luck with everything.
I can in some way relate. I’ve been chubby when little, and overweight even since i hit puberty. Been around 264 lbs and 5’9″ for most of that time, Until I got kicked out of my house, and had to live alone, barely had money to ate, and had to walk 4 hours a day to get work from home and viceversa. Once I realized I was losing weight, I went mad, and started puking my scarce meals, and drinking laxatives as if it was water. Got to 173 lbs in 6 months, and started feeling good with myself for a while, Until I was starting to get harassed on work, street, public transportation… after a while I got so Paranoid of getting sexually assaulted again, That I started to Binge-eat and got back all that weight… and started to hate myself again… and cut myself too. It may be a kind of unconscious punishment… This body I despise so much, that disgusts me, But protects me at the same time… This body I think of mutilating so many times…
my mom has that, it’s brutal 🙁
but for people with bulimia or anorexia, they wont understand that you dont want skinny. everyone wants what they dont have or think they dont have :b