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I’m scared…

by mizerymak3r

Been dating a girl for almost a year now and we couldn’t be happier , but I’m scared because every girl I’ve ever been with has cheated on me… I mean I’m accustomed to being cheated on :/ its beome a fact of relationships for me, but this one hasn’t cheated on me…. but I’m sure she will And the thought of her with someone ELSE is gut wrenching and painful 🙁 I’m just SO scared that the day is coming… it always seems to. I’m never good enough and its only a matter of time before she sees I’m not good enough and she starts to look elsewhere 🙁

 

I hate that day, but it always comes. And I’m so scared because I really don’t want this one to cheat… she could be the one… I just wish I could be good enough that she wouldn’t have to cheat… but if history is an indication, then I never will be… I know she deserves someone better than me, I’m a worthless failure, I’ll only hurt her, and she’s the best… beautiful, smart, amazing… he doesn’t deserve the pain I’ll inevitably put her thru 🙁 I don’t know what she sees in me, but I’m sure its only a matter of time before she realizes I’m nothing 🙁

 

I’m scared for the day she cheats 🙁

 

I’m terrified for the day she realizes I’m a worthless waste of her time..

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13 comments

dredd 2/4/2014 - 4:41 am

I’M STILL HERE!

mizerymak3r 2/4/2014 - 4:44 am

Dude gtfo. Ur gonna come into a forum full of people with mental health issues and then push them to a state worse than the one they can to write about? Either you are a complete emotionless sociopath or you have serious mental issues. Not sure which and I don’t care but I’m not going to let your comments make me feel even worse than i already do

dredd 2/4/2014 - 5:17 am

Cause you got a huge ego.

loyaltyfirstbs2nd 2/4/2014 - 8:33 am

I agree piss off dredd

muspelhem 2/4/2014 - 8:34 am

I think you need to contact your ex-girlfriends and find out exactly why they cheated on you.

I also think you need to figure out why you are so scared of being cheated on.

That might help you let go of a fear that seems to have turned rather irrational.

Cheating will always be a risk in relationships. You have to learn to accept that risk and relax about it.

SuicidalBilly 2/4/2014 - 12:08 pm

I’m quite similar in a way. I never had any expectations with the people I had relationships with. I constantly expect to be betrayed so I never bother being emotionally attached to someone. I was once cheated on as well. When I found out, I was surprised, not at her, but at how little I cared and how apathetic I was. Needless to say I broke it off to maintain my pride and dignity, but I’ve realized that day that I will never be able to bring myself to care for another human being no matter what. In your case, it’s ironic because your insecurities are making you clingy, and I think that is what’s caused your previous girlfriends to cheat on you. If you believe that you’re good enough for her, then she will believe it as well.

mizerymak3r 2/4/2014 - 12:49 pm

muspelhem I tried to do that once. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask… I was/am to afraid of the answer to that question :/

Most of my exes self injured while with me as well… and that wouodnt be that abnormal, but 4 out of the 5 that did, never did so before being with me… one even told me she started because of me. And if then other 3 never cut before, that must mean the same is true for them as well.

Between the cheating and the cutting, I feel this overwhelming sense of guilt all the time and I’m really scared I’m going to hurt my current GF must as bad or worse, and I really really do not want to do that… she deserves so much better than that…

mizerymak3r 2/4/2014 - 12:55 pm

SuicidalBilly you might be right… I’m EXTREMELY clingy.but I try my best not to be overwhelming. I don’t stop her from doing things or being around people, even guys. And even when I’m completely uncomfortable with the situation. I don’t say anything… there was an ex of mine who went to dance (at a club) with an ex bf… she told me not to worry (which didn’t work, I worried out of my mind) so I went and sat at the table and waited for her…. all her friends were like “why would you let her do that?” And the answer is because I don’t want to say no… I’m scared that saying no will make her leave me…

SuicidalBilly 2/4/2014 - 1:37 pm

You have to realize that when a person cheats, they do so because they feel entitled to it. The biggest mistake you can ever make is blaming yourself that they cheated because you were somehow lacking. It’s like blaming youself because your partner is abusive and beats you constantly. It’s a personality defect and it has nothing to do with you. So be in the mindset that if she cheats on you, she isn’t worth crying over in the first place. There is absolutely no loss at losing someone with no integrity. Have self respect and enjoy your relationship whether it’s a serious one, or a casual relationship (like the ones I used to have).

keief 2/4/2014 - 2:55 pm

Read some of your old posts because your situation caught my attention (i haven’t been cheated by all my exgfs but almost all… and all my relationships ended at almost the exact time period/lenght… so coincidences always make me curious), and you know, in a way it can be a self furfilled prophecy as someone said, and i think you try too much as well.

By trying to much, i mean that you are so worried as to not “screw up” that you do everything in reach to make the other person comfortable… problem there is that most likely they see you so invested in the relationship that they think they can do anything and you’ll still be there… you even mentioned being ok with being cheated on even if you are loyal… and you even let them know.

You should trust more in yourself and now your worth. I mean, you don’t force them to be with you… they choose too, and even if you don’t see something valuable in yourself, they do… so be yourself, if something bothers you say it, if something is hurting you say it too (be reasonable tho)… the thing is not letting yourself being pushed around, which you will if you tell people “i’m a push over”… and that’s what you’re doing from what i see. Maybe this is the time you don’t get cheated tho, keep in mind not all the people are the same, so i hope you are lucky this time 🙂

mizerymak3r 2/4/2014 - 8:25 pm

I hop. so too man. Thank you for the support 🙂

muspelhem 2/6/2014 - 8:07 am

I think you might benefit from clarifying responsibility:

To what extent am I responsible for the various things that happens in my life and in my relationships?

If you just assume yourself to be responsible for everything bad that’s ever happened, in essence, you’re lying to yourself. And the problem with that is that basing your life around a lie is a really impractical way of living, because you constantly collide with reality.

A lot of what happens in a relationship has zero to do with you, and a lot to do with your partner.

And even your actions, you aren’t 100% responsible for. We all make mistakes, and you must not blame yourself for them if they’re unforeseeable.

Another thing is that we all make bad decisions, even when we know they’re bad, in situations where our willpower is depleted. E.g. if you haven’t eaten all day and you go to the supermarket, you’ll likely buy unhealthy food even though you know it’s a bad idea.

In short: Only take responsibility for what is actually your responsibility. Realise that your partner’s life is just as complex as your own, and a lot of it has nothing to do with you.

mizerymak3r 2/8/2014 - 3:46 am

I’m sorry I didn’t see your reply sooner. I do try to look from that viewpoint but its tough to break the cycle. I know in my head that there is no way it could be all my fault for everything because that makes no sense, but somehow, even though the thought makes no sense, my emotions won’t listen and I end up feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Every time something bad happens, its as if the logic of the situation goes out the window and the guilt takes over. I’m actually feeling a lot better the last 2 days. But my gf was upset at me the night I wrote this and all I could feel was the guilt and once it starts its like an avalanche, the longer it goes the bigger it gets… I start to think about everything I have done that has hurt her or let her down, then it starts ex by ex until I’m at a point where Im simply overwhelmed with guilt. I’m really trying to find a way to keep the positive outlook in those situations, it just doesn’t seem to work, and even in the times when I have an Ok mindset, its like I’m on eggshells, because sometimes I’ll see things in my GF’s behavior that simply isn’t there. I’ll assume she’s upset with me based on the way she replies to a text message and my brain just flips out and starts texting the I’m sorry to here and she’s like “???” I’m sure its frustrating for her to go through all of that bogus… almost makes m wonder why she or any girl would want to put up with someone so broken :/

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