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I’m Tired of My Shitty Life

by bah

I just wish my life would get better.  But no, it’s just not going to.  Everything has gone from bad to worse to much much worse.  And no, please don’t tell me “things will get better” or “there’s a rainbow” or a “light at the end of the tunnel” because that’s just shit people say.   It’s hell to suffer every agonizing moment of every fucking day.

I just wish I had killed myself when I was suicidal when I was younger because I could have avoided the last 27 years of misery.  And now I no longer have the strength nor the will to do it.  Now I’m just in limbo- not alive and not dead.  I don’t necessarily want to be dead- I just don’t want to suffer anymore.  :'(


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Resitay 2/8/2014 - 8:12 am

Have you tried therapy and meds?

clevername 2/8/2014 - 8:29 am

therapy and meds don’t fix what’s actually wrong with people’s lives.

THAT is the problem.

We need an ACTUAL SOLUTION… but for so many of us, no such thing is available.

We are left with the choice to continue suffering every agonizing moment of every dreadful day… or just die. And maybe not even be able to die “cleanly,” and instead, have to fail suicide multiple times before it actually works… or maybe end up killed by someone/thing else.

I would vastly prefer a livable life… but i’m not going to have that option. It’s just not going to happen. My life was never good, and it never will be; i would argue that i never even had any chance to make it good, or even the opportunity to make myself a chance. No one can say or do anything to make that better.

So, i have no choice but to suffer until whatever happens, happens, and i finally die… whether i do it myself or not, doesn’t even matter. What DOES matter, is that as long as i’m alive, i’ll be miserable, and there’s nothing i can do about that.

lorax 2/8/2014 - 8:46 am

Hey now, meds may well allow the flexibility for people to address the problems in their lives that otherwise might seem paralyzed by influxes of anxiety or despair. It’s hard getting out of a hole if all you have is a shovel; sometimes you need a ladder.

Resitay 2/8/2014 - 8:50 am

-clevername didn’t say they did *fix* it, but sometimes it helps people to think and feel better so they can go about making a new life for themselves that they otherwise would not have been able to do trapped in the prison of a disabling mental condition.

All I was trying to say is that it’s definitely something everyone should at least try first before committing suicide. That’s all.

ArtNHeaven 2/8/2014 - 11:04 am

Meds have actually helped me, but it’s definitely trial and error. Even though I’m still suicidal at times, I think not being on meds would make me more impulsive and irrational.

@Bah I know exactly how you feel. It sucks when you’ve really tried to adopt the mentality that “things will get better” and “there’s a light at the end of the tunnel” and life STILL is shitty. It’s almost like wasted energy.

lorax 2/8/2014 - 11:31 am

@ArtNHeaven: Same here (about meds). They help to a certain point, but after that point, it’s a lot of bungling around in the dark looking for a light switch. Stupid thing’s got to be SOMEWHERE… heh. Lfie’s a confusing bunch of craziness mixed with some frozen peas and carrots. But things can get better or worse, but never just one or the other. Everything in balance.

deadfish 2/8/2014 - 4:59 pm

Maybe just try and find one little part of your day when for 5 minutes you can do something for you and you alone. Won’t make the rest of your day any better but might something to build on. I don’t really know, just hoping! I feel like you that life is pretty dismal, but can’t do anything about it. I seemed to be cornered by people, work, money etc. Luckily I can afford to go for acupuncture once in a while, a lovely lady treats me & listens & doesn’t judge and for one hour 15 minutes life seems better.

Britney 2/8/2014 - 9:34 pm

Don’t kill yourself. I’ve hit that point in my life and all I can honestly say is there is hope if you believe there is. I’m not just saying that I’m living breathing proof that there is. I was put through hell and back and I’m still here. I attempted suicide 3 times. I’m still alive. Some people might just say those things but it’s your choice if you want to trust me or not. I tried and made an effort to reach out to you. You have to do the rest.

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