I have spent a long time reading through this site. But never posted.
For the last 3 years now is struggled with depression, caused by job stress, relationship etc. Over the last two month I hit a patch where my job and my boss brought me right down. I’d entertained the idea of suicide, but could never go any further than that because of my partner, whom I love very much.
So for two months I’ve fought back, getting back to a healthy state, then on saturday night, after a good day in the sun, drinking and enjoying my time with my partner and friends, I go inside and break down. Crying uncontrollably saying how awful I am. My partner ges everyone to leave and tries to comfort me, but all I can say is how much better off the world would be without me. Having had a brother who had attempted suicide she must have sort help. But within minutes of speaking with her brother I heard different people call up, ask her if she could get out the house and call the police.
So later she’s gone, the police have taken me to the hospital to chat to a doctor. At this stage I’m quite calm, and realize how silly I’ve been. I then get a text saying she cares about me but she’s going. This has sent me off the edge.
The only reason I’ve never ended it is because of her, and now she’s either had enough, or her family have turned her against me.
So this morning, after a day of grief I’ve very calmly been putting my plan together. For 7 months I’ve been researching the helium exit method. Today I’ve gone and got the bag, elastic etc and have been practicing with it, emptying out the air, breath out, then putting the bag on. I’m strangely calm about it, and have no problems with the bag on my head.
I’ve found a local shop, where I can hire a large cylinder of helium, 45 cubic feet with regulator, and just found the corner I can get the PVC piping.
So, my final plan is to talk to her tonight, or try. After 8 years she must let me talk to her right?. I just need her back, she doesn’t need to live with me, and I’m happy to give her some space, but I do need her back.
If that doesn’t go well I’m going to calmly keep working towards the end.
I don’t want to hear how it might get better, how this is just the shock. I am doing this now because I’m able to now, with nothing to hold me back. I’ve wanted this for too long now for it just to be a phase. It is something I have carefully considered for months.
I just want to share my story, and I know there are supportive people here who will let me do what I need to do to be happy
17 comments
I wish the best for you,
Mm…it’s weird that sensation you get when you’re so close to…peace. It’s almost palpable and you feel as if in that one proceeding moment, your entire life will accumulate into one fateful, defining moment.
Into the dark abyss.
I wonder what she’ll say to you? How she’ll react to whatever it is you’re going to talk to her about. And of course, the end result of this conversation will very well determine the eventual outcome of tonight’s events.
I…admire your determination, friend. Whichever path you may decide to take, I hope it brings you closure and tranquility.
Im gonna fuckin mail her boss, family, everyone the proof.
she has no idea of what I have.
what she thinks about it? I couldnt give less of a fuck, but her lying to her faamily is going to destroy her most, this I know.
and I hope it does.
And it will.
my apologies, wrong window
I will respect your wishes to not try to talk you out of your exit plan. I am here as support, someone to listen if you need.
Thanks for your words all. I really appreciate it. Makes me feel better.
Figured if I was going to tell my story, this is the opening text I thought I’d send to try and see if we can open a dialogue.
“Hi C******. Please just here this out. What happened on saturday was just silly, I know that, after I was getting better why would I say these things. I’m not asking you to come back to the oval, and want to give you the space. I would like it if we could talk. Even through text. Just give me one more chance to prove myself. I truly do love you. I don’t want to give up after 8 years. I don’t even have to see you for now, but please talk to me, give me another chance and stay with me. Just give me a text.”
Sounds whiny I reckon, but that’s what I got to start.
Meh, whiny’s okay. What you want to do is entice her with the thought of being part of an “adventure” so to speak. Present to her something that is mutually beneficial for the both of you. As she may see it, you’re the one with the “problem” and does not want to be the “solution.” Rather, she may well feel more obliged to re-engage with you if she feels that not only is she going to make a difference, but is also going to be a part of that journey to recovery.
Don’t take this as gospel, this is just how I’d intuitively engage the situation. I have no idea of the eight year relationship you’ve built with her, but those eight years should provide you with all the tools that you need to perceive and make an immediate intuitive decision.
I’m thinking the sort of conversation you envision having with her is either going to take a few hours or perhaps even a few split sessions over a sustained period, and I know you’re biding by time as it is, but let’s see what happens exactly first.
Well I tweaked it a little, and sent it off.
It’s a little unnerving to be honest. All I need is a reply that we can work on it. Don’t care how long it takes, but I just need that chance.
If she says no, well I’m prepared for that too, but would rather chat with her first.
Oh, you texted instead of calling? That’s cool, we can work with that.
Keep me posted.
Not a chance she’ll answer if I call. Though I don’t hold much hope of any answer really.
Understood. Let time do it’s thing for now.
Im here if you need someone to listen or help you.
I respect your choice. Just be careful and exercise caution.
I hope you find peace in any decisions you make.
Take care. Good luck.
All I can say is, I’ve been going through something pretty similar. It’s only been 14 months in my case, not 8 years. (I’m not sure if that’s more pathetic, or not.) Anyway, I’ve determined that hanging is pretty much the best option for me. The pathetic part…I haven’t a clue how to properly tie a noose, nor do I know how to tie the rope to something else (I’ll probably use a bed sheet). So…Eh. I’ll try and see what the fuck happens. I’m of the belief that hey, man, I wasn’t asked to be brought into this fucking world, so I’ll leave it whenever I damn well choose to. And you have the right to make that decision, as well. Regardless of what you decide, I hope it goes well.
Well guys, thanks for all the support. Things did not got well with her, I managed to get a “Leave me alone”.
Thing is, once I found out with certainty it was done, for a brief period I knew what I had to do, but, she’s just one person, and now she’s gone, she really has been the source of my troubles for years. Yeah I’ve done dumb stuff and kinda deserve it, but ultimately she’s been the focal point of my suffering.
Once that clicked, I didn’t give a toss, and for me to off myself, to give her the satisfaction of winning, no way.
It sounds like I’m backing down, which I’m still kind of miffed about, but I have this knowledge now. But ultimately I’m staying. She can go off and do her thing, and I’ll do mine, and I’ll have a much better time.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense, or if this is even right, but, and excuse the language, FUCK HER!
BOO-FUCKIN’-YAH.
Man, that’s the most awesome end to a saga I have yet encountered. I like your style. +10
Go out there and own it, bro.
(I know I was trying to encourage a “get back together” scenario, but…damn this is the next best thing.)
Chances are she is already fucking someone.
Thats what women say when they are….. the “leave me alone”.
Sounds like maybe you were dating my slut wife? lol